Life without God.
To tell you truly, I actually so called backslided. FOR A FEW HOURS. I somehow duno why juz think that theres no God or something, FOR NO REASON....
but after that, i came to my senses. I came back to the Lord my father, and his forever.
What i experienced that time is a life totally without aim. And i suddenly lacked that joy that is always in me in my christian life. I was like dam sian for that period of time. I could break, but have no feeling, or spirit. Even the things that make me happy, i will be entertained, but for a while. I don't have joy, which is everlasting hapiness, peace, love, comfort, grace and enthusiasm. In that 5-6 hours, i dont experience that. I dont experience joy. i was down, irritated for no reasons as such, in a bad mood, not say bad, but like, sad and down, dejected, for apparently no reason. In my christian life, i had no such experience, after i had converted to become a true christian.
The feeling of the sudden lack of purpose in my life totally sucks. I walk on the path back home, thinking and reflecting, and like, lost, don't know where to go. After i ate my lunch with my friends, i was undecisive on where i want to go.
If i go with my friends to my friend's house to break, i will pass my time, but i seriously dont feel like breaking. I would prefer to go home, but I had totally no idea on how to pass the time.
On the way back home after going my fren house, i reflected a lot, and God called me back, he caught me. I went back. No doubts this time.
In addition to this, i saw a vision, today around 4am. I dreamt that i was resting in bukit timah shopping center, sitting on the tiles, and i was disturbed by 2 malay twins. Both of them are near death, and they knew that i am a christian. They wanted me to pray for healing upon them and believe that i can perform a miracle in the name of Jesus. I did. I prayed, but with a lot of doubt or uncertainty, because i doubt that God will answer. But after praying, i saw them fully healed. They stared into the blank, in awe of God, for what he had done. After that they were filled with Joy. Then i woke up.
Did this vision come at the time, just as i want to preach? I actually wanted to preach today, but i did not. This vision must have came at the right time. I now understand. I now know.
