dope
getting myself to dislike
to regret my life,
to praise myself for my ultimate decision.
looking to the archives in recent weeks.
trying to wake myself up.
a medicine for the moment.
injecting myself wif tranquilizers.
i should be okay for now.
Labels: distress
split
my rational side has been paving the way so far. gone so far, was stopped quite a few times, bt this is the biggest one so far. i have to resort to force right now. its an on and off. this thing come to disturb me sometimes, and it comes, and its gone.
God can you lead the way and teach me what to do?
Because my emotional and sorta 'natural' side is starting to pull me the other way. i'm split. jus as 'emo' i feel when i start this post, its now gone.
if this is gonna stop me from serving God, i'm going to overcome it, as what Kenneth Haggin Jr. said today. "you are not going to be defeated".but God, it comes and go. and Lord u know i'm not a technical guy, Lord u know i dont always think with my head.
i'm really in need of You now.Labels: christian-bboy, heart
Koinonia
koinonia - somethin ive been lookin forward to. so much, so far.
here are pics taken today. the last 5 are of practices for koinonia.
Mr. James Ong- people say i look like him.... wat do u think???
Practising an hour before Koinonia
A. Goh
Errr.. ok. thats audrey low wif her eyes closed.
Koinonia means so much to me. although i don't feel very comfortable doing so little stuff except takin pictures using emil's phone and praying for them through the whole thing, i feel very fufilled, cos it satisfies the burning desire to do something for God, to be directly involved in his ministry.
This is all i've longed for last yr. difference is, this year i'm involved in his ministry directly, spreading the word to my friends. last year, i have no balls :XKoinonia filled this deep longing and thirst in me. Although this won't ever be enough. Gotta do more for God. Wanna do more for God. it will prevail.
The practice
Is this the first step?
Or another fallen short?
Another evening,
Or will seeds be planted?
Have we made it yours?
Yours to hold?
This land you've lay before us?
Bleak winter, this summer,
A chance lost to stand.
A chance the track,
A chance to show the little i can do for You.
Cutting into my bones,
Through my thick flesh, and skin.
Can you let another chance pay its visit?
'Cause I'm burning to build your house.
Labels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore, Literary, sincerely
Evening.
Evening
Here i am this evening.
Hold my ground.
Test if my journey, is really right.
Something in me,
Something i've reached-
That i can't drop it totally,
That i can't just yet.
Challenged by my verdict.
Work out my Faith.
Notes for reminiscence,
Play the scene again.
If this hasn't another chance,
How much easier would it be.
Perhaps a smooth road ain't the medicine.
Replay the scene again,
Pour the salt on this unclosed scab.
Regret, you're in front of me.
Guilt, stop visiting me.
Jesus, this musn't be "vengeance is mine"?
Pain, come feed me and
Truth, show yourself.
My Light, your plans prevail but,
My sight, you are so fragile.
And my legs buckle by themselves.
But am I wandering to night,
or turning back to the Light?
Stand by Your promises
Show me;
My light.
Labels: friends n loved ones, heart, Literary
better get my ass moving.
seriously.Labels: ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
times
utilitarian is king now. everyone's forgotten loyalty. everyone's forgotten commitment. everything that once had a backbone, fell, like a tree void of its trunk, like a flower, wilting, void of its roots.
It rules our lives. all we see are a foot ahead. seeking for temporal pleasures, that disappear to the dust, that vanish in by the twinkle. everything has no beginning to turn to, everyone's living for the moment. nothing holds, no commitment, no faith, no effort, no responsibility, nothing you say, or you will say holds at all. because they will all be committed to only memory. and maybe, one day our minds will instruct itself to forget.
nothing we ever do will be accountable, will hold any worth. everything we think we do, everything we say we do don't mean anything now.
because everyone's changing their decisions, everyone's breaking promises every by the second.
Labels: heart
Living a day for Christ, considering him in the fiber of me, change totally how i live that day.
i remember. it sounds so distant. although my life is for him, i'm not living for him. but that day i lived for him changed me. He did. not me. and i'm very sure about that.
the guilt, the pity,
the stand, the pain.
the God, the almighty.
will be there, for me.
Never left my side
I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as You mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will life my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will life my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will life my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
Though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
Praise you in this storm
album: lifesong
artist: casting crowns
Probably the best description for what God has done for the undeserving, imperfect, sinful wong yuan hao.
Labels: heart, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
the superficial judgement.
jus came back from school, had dinner n shower. v lil homework due rite now, so i can b slacker today :)
typing wifout my bruised index finger now. feels realy weird man.
kenneth talked about repentance today. about totally letting go of your past to live free once again. and i look at myself.
sometimes, i have been putting myself into bondage, bondage of utmost worry, of lust (tho its gone alr :) ), of the past. putting myself in bondage of something that sorts of becomes a barrier to me for being a christian. I remember that i'm free in Him. Christians are all meant to be free. Free from bondage and the damnation of sin (i don't mean free from sin). But what have we gotten ourselves into? time and again?
Go to school. As you enter the front gate, the "weird" dude ('outcast') in your class greets you with a smile. you greet him back. start talking to him about school, yesterday, today, tomorrow. Then 2 of your classmates approach. As they come, you stop being friendly towards him. You give him one-word answers. Your sentences become words, your words form up your thoughts of "how will they look at me?" Your classmates walk by. The "weird" guy asks you "so, what homework is there to pass up?" You pretended not to hear, pretended to clear your throat, pretended to tie your laces, pretended to mend your uniform. You look over the shoulder. They are 20 meters behind. Then you answer him "huh?" you well know you heard him.
Sometimes im guilty of that. double-faced. double-hearted. This is one of the most common bondages we Christians get ourselves into. Sundays are "love your neighbors as yourself". All the rest, "big brother[s] is[are] watching". In fact, we all are guilty of that before. But always remember that not one of us is perfect. you have your flaws, i have my flaws. one day you find out that the "weird" dude is a christian, and then in heaven, he's the one having the last laugh. Just because one guy doesn't act like, or doesn't look like the majority, and even if everyone is treating him as a "weird" kid, doesn't qualify him to be treated they way he is. That certainly does not qualify any, not one of us to look down, to shun him. God's gonna shun you if you do that.
Why? Why do we think we're so perfect while we have nothing, we are nothing in his sight? Why do we assume we are the 'normal' people just by comparing with the superficial human reasoning? Why do we judge everything by our eyes, or by what little we know, without even bothering to know more, know the truth behind all the name-calling, shunning, bullying?Labels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
update :D
So bz to blog. gotta knock off soon. naphas coming. =(
anyway, check these out..
Labels: people sucking up just motivated the rat to consume the cat
"the best is yet to be"
Those were the times when we were on fire,when we were fighting as one, regardless of what we encounter, who we see or what we fight. And they were gone. And now they come again this year. A new group of people, serving the God we love.I remember just a few months ago, we are a family. family bonded, strong, love. had time, spent time.
But we don't live in the past. We live in the present, for the future. There seems to always be a "those were the times", but we shaln't dwell in bondage of something we last for but do nothing to get it, to achieve it again. So many memories surface as i talk about the nice times. I remembered Haven - the musical. something that may have lost its significance in our eyes. But i just saw the songs, the tinted, coloured floodlights, boys and girls, teenagers in their makeup, singing, dancing, acting, communicating.
And shouting and screaming at the end of it. happiness. but mixed with all the knowledge of the charade by love and unity that visited us, to please us, to break us down later. a production taking half a year to shape. A production that called for many crews and talent, a production that left many crying and lamenting at the closure.
but we don't live in the past. we have years that will come. "for the glory of the present house will be greater than the glory of the former house." There will always be unerased membeories, there will always be memories. But tat doenst meant the past is fixed, that we have lived through the best. "the best is yet to be" (my school's motto). those 50 years,60years, or even 15 years of our lives don't limit the best parts of our lives.fireac is here. it means so much to me that i don't feel the impact in me. It's like a will, a vision that came true. Finally a group of people willing to step out. God just need so few people to stand in the gap. I was unenthusiastic at first. now it filled me with life. God filled me with fire and life. The first few months this year, was the very few times i went through a phase when i really needed God. He was there. To listen to help, to comfort, to remove the pain, and to make me stand up again. I'm not perfect. Not even close to perfect. Thats why i fall, disappoint people, and fail in God. Only God can deliver this dirt like me.Labels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
discontented
With God in focussed in my life again, i'm so much more fufilled. He is the one that get me motivated to do alot of stuff. The reason i've found meaning, the reason i can give love and express love. My life is really whole.
But something recently clicked on my feelings. I feel fufilled, full, content. But i'm not content enough. This life, the one i'm living now, i'm not contented, although i'm really very grateful for it.
A life not significant for God. A life doing so little for God. Hardcore, with the heart, not with the action. I wanna do more things for God. I wanna do more tangible things, express and present myself. i wanna be a hardcore christian.
oh and another thing. i wanna help the ncc(sea) unit out of the shit its in right now. i feel bad.
Labels: heart
great hope
hope for a conclusion.
if better, a sweet conclusion..
hope so much, praying so much from now. :)
Labels: sincerely
Easter - the tractor.
ewen lim said "we don't need a big congregation...... God just need a small group of people who are hardcore...."
as i see this i see the same problem in us, same problem in me. i am not hardcore. and i see the parallel to fireac. We used to be big. but the numbers dwindled. less and less people came.
But what God needs is not the numbers. He doesn't need a million soldiers. just a dedicated, hardcore 300.
because these few soldiers who are on fire and hardcore for Him, will kill thousands upon thousands of people. which is, to reap thousands upon thousands of souls for Him. Only difference is that, these people are powered by God, and don't die an eternal death.
can we, these few people, stand up to fight for God. Even as brothers in christ fall, even as people do not respond, can we still be, hardcore?
Peter - the one who denied Jesus thrice, on his first message after recieving the holy spirit, he preached with fire. his heart was with God. 3000 people got saved.
Hudson Taylor - 1st american dedicated missonary to China. passed the torch of christianity, which later reached 3 chinese brothers. now people are getting saved 30,000 a DAY.
Seymour and his associate pastor started the azusa street revival, which went on for years. pentecostalism started.
God does not need 1000, not even 300. just 1.just a group of dedicated people.
that's all he needs for a reaping machine.
Labels: christian-bboy
easter cell
cell grp. we played jenga. sumtime like uno stacko, bt wifout the dice.
anw, tianlongs going army soon. everybody say bye bye! all the best tianlong! :D learn sth der dude. well pray for u right till you enter.
before NS - loo00o0ong hair
check out the bottom yo!
Issac owning this shiz... bt hes the one who toppled it anw. HAHA
issac lost the tie breaker =(Labels: christian-bboy
Be reconciled
Saturday, April 07, 2007
2007 yrs ago christ willingly sacrificed himself so we'll be reconciled despite how we failed God so badly. Lets be reconciled wif him today, 4 tis' his purpose.
its only today I realized what it means to be reconciled.
go back to God regardless of what crap you've done, regardless of how many times u failed him. Go back to God again. Back to when you love him and he's the center of your life, back to His arms when your days were young and bright, back to the nights when everything succumbs under His light.
you prolly heard that gd friday is the day 2007 (arnd there) years ago Christ sacrificed himself on the cross for all our sins, while we are still turning our backs on him, he died for us. He rose 3 days later, which is on easter sunday. and for all who believes in Him as God, and accepts Him as his or her personal saviour, will be in heaven with Him forever and ever.
i know many of you have heard that. so i won't say it again.
bt im gna say it to christians. Christians who have left God because they felt that they wronged God too many times, christians who are oblivious to God, christians whose days with God are in the drains of their memories.
Be reconciled today. God is always there.
last year, there was a period of 2-3 months i left God. I still call myself a christian, still prayed and all that. I was under this bondage. I sinned again and again against God. And everytime i prayed for a change, and i promised God i'll change. Bt i didn't i felt like a liar, and i don't deserve God. I left him. Church worship, i don't sing, i don't take in the messages the pastors preach. Then 1 day i felt i was enuff. i knelt down and prayed for forgiveness, and i was reconciled.
i don't know how hard it is on God until i had a taste of it. it was absolutely nothing compared to what God experienced. mine was for 4 days. God's was for... months.
i it was tiring, debiliatating and very very hurting. i really cant imagine wat it would be like for 4 months, especially when God's love is intense and undying.
God is always there. U think he wants u no more for your sins? or failing him again and again? No. He's calling you back. He has always been. If you are reading this, he is enabling a christian to write this so you can hear. His love isnt dying, doens't "run outta gas". His greatest will? for you to be reconciled with him.
be reconciled. there is no other day, for you don't know the end of days.
this' a blog of a christian group in my school.
www.bereconciled.blogspot.com
go n check it out :D
Labels: ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
hi glen!
im talkin abt 2 glens, 1 pastor, 1 former classmate.
few days ago was REW. Glenn Ong came to speak. u noe tat guy who helps people kicking the habit of drugs? the guy hu made n acted in "green grass"? yea tats him. 4 dose watchin e vid, his sentence is NOT 5 yrs, 5 strokes of cane. its 6 months n NO strokes of cane.
Came n toked about how he kicked the habit. i mean, not he, but He (God) did. Glen signed up for teen challenge to help get himself outta drugs, during that course, he gave his life to the Lord. He became a christian. And the habit was no more. He came n passed his testimony to us, and ended saving a few souls. Although i dno how many, i kno 1 is saved. in Edmund's class. im super happy abt tat. :D:D
A wave is coming
And yesterday, was glen no.2 . Glen Cedric Roche, my sec1 classmate, left 4 aus to study. Hasn't changed much, not even his specs! the same almond frameless pair. actly hes baq for medical checkup for NS, bt sum1 arranged 2 visit him anyway. so we all came :D we met at taka, then ate at ajisen ramen.
roche the man
the class of 1.2, 20% original size
Labels: friends n loved ones
Destruction / Construction
More meaningful than the daze,
Unrealistic dream, unaccountable future,
If another chance descends,
Never place it in fragile hands.
Today history's relived,-
Today, the day that God made, today,-
My Hope, my Light, resides.
I looked outside the glass,
At my back, my road destroyed.
A smile cracked my debilitated face,
who just breathed life.
Jesus will guide me in a more purposeful construction.
Labels: Literary
bboy resume!
back to bboying after not bboying properly for like almost a month due to injuries and all tat. bboied in class, wif my walkman plugged to class speakers, dancing alone, wif weiyang floating in n outta class. damn shiok man. improved qt a fair bit despite no bboying. thot of new combo bt screwed it up with a knock to my elbow =( the one wif the swell/infection. got afew sets down (i don usually train in sets bt im glad i get a number of them down wifout planning watsoever =D)
thank God i have You. The Only One in midst of everything, only one who totally understands, Only one who is there to help me when im broken, emo or.. weird...?? haha. yea You are the Only One.sumtimes, i will have to think of how life is wifout God. O mayb we christians can start thinking of that too. without God, is your life the same? if its a no, then cool. if yes, then go do sth wif your life.
n i realize that im saying a "yes", and flung to the other end of the spectrum the next day. Wow, God's amazing.
ytd i was at mgs spectating "dance,dance", som competition for the cause of charity =D rockerfella is competing, bt got third, lost to an mg group, n the innocent boys, who owned everyone hands down. uber ownage! bt i din take any video of them :(
opening emcees
ritchie
xf wif tat hat :D
i was like "hi wei tsin", then... "WAT THE IB UNIFORM??!?!?!"
Mr. James Ong- people say i look like him.... wat do u think???
Practising an hour before Koinonia
A. Goh
Errr.. ok. thats audrey low wif her eyes closed.
Firstly, tianlong BALD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! see him feeling the skin he never had a chance to. WOOHOO!
how am I wif specs?
this was a poster which people write their movie suggestions on. Its for a movie marathon.
Qn.16. both the question AND spelling's beautiful
before NS - loo00o0ong hair
check out the bottom yo!
Issac owning this shiz... bt hes the one who toppled it anw. HAHA
issac lost the tie breaker =(
roche the man
the class of 1.2, 20% original size
opening emcees
ritchie
xf wif tat hat :D
i was like "hi wei tsin", then... "WAT THE IB UNIFORM??!?!?!"
the crossings - tessa, debbie, denise
the crossings again
the crossings YET again.
multishot 16 wif ezra and pw,
making animal shadows using my handfone light. man we 16 turning 17 alr.
....
can zoom in to see taste buds :D
isaiah from ____ bandits / the innocent boys
=.= , omigosh!! , sshh
she came 2 block the view. TRIED to.
chris from rockerfella and I
