teachers day
They did a hell of a job man. Can't wait to show them the vids. They can't be tranfered in any other way other than DVDs.
The file sizes add up to 830mb. -.-
Uploading to Utube? I'll try if it can be compressed enough..
Hai. Was at the wake just now. A mix of emotions. Too much to say.
First was that i miss my grandpa. Just sad that he wasn't to be any more.
Second was that because of this wake, i had to miss the dance farewell party.
I miss em' horribly.
I've been looking forward to this farewell thing, getting ready, getting prepared, all anticipated and now and you're telling me that i can't F-ing go?
I'm was angry at something I can't express. No it's not the wake. I know full well the importance of it. And I didn't ask for permission to go anywhere. Cos i respect the significance of the wake.
It's just the immense pressure im facing all around nowadays.
Being angry at something that you can't quantify makes you think that you hate yourself. Makes you think that you're the cause of trouble.
I don't know, after all, it's a party. I've missed parties before.
But nothing felt as bad as this one.
It left me helpless and biting my teeth, literally. I can't get over it yet.
Coupled with the passing of my grandfather, whom i was a few hours away from seeing him before his last breath. I had no chance to see him past. On monday, he commented to my mom that he hadn't see me for a "Very long time". But i've visited him on sunday.
I feel horrible.
Cos i was going to visit him right after teachers' day.
He stopped breathing at 1am in his sleep.
Thank God for the very peaceful passing.
It's as if nothing had a conclusion. Nothing. I didn't get to see grandpa before he left. And WTF. IT's just a farewell party. and i'm so mad and emo over missing it, the self-imposed anger and harm to noone.
It's cause i didn't get to say farewell to the dance people too.
So knowing that I can't turn up, I turned up backstage to cheer them on and be there with them and for them, the last time before I go. Yes, it matters a hell lot to me.
Cos frankly this is going to be our last time together. And knowing how "last times" feel like many times before, the feeling doesn't fade. Yet.
In time it will.
My fellow IBexam compatriots. Let's do it again after prom.
Let nothing come between us. Please.
I will pray super hard for this one. Please don't dissappoint me. PLEASE.
"That which doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"
Friedrich Nietzsche
Labels: dance, friends n loved ones, love, out
library
Goodness me, I'm missing the books again! An unquenchable thirst to read, barely satisfied by Roddy bruiting about Paddy's life. Oh yes, it's a good read so far.
I think I should create a blog for books. Like, for every book, I'll do a short recap of it. Well, few more days to go for me to be made available to only one book, and that's to be read in the holidays while I ravage my prelims.
The diving bell and the butterfly, an autobiography by Jean-Dominique Bauby is the book to read.
Labels: library
Issues?
Well, for the last few weeks, I've not been posting.
Cos there's nothing much to talk about? Nothing too much to be passionate about. Trying to get my ass down to study. I did. Paddy Clarke. Oh it left in in school gym today. Oh YES I've improved my dumbell presses to a total weight of 120 pounds on both hands, or rather, 60 pounds 1 hand. OH yes, i aim to press one Nicole Richie (at her lowest weight of 70 pounds) per hand. That will mean I have to visit gyms with higher dumbell weights. And get the arm strength ready before then. Meanwhile, all is reps for dumbell presses.
Gosh I'm also eating more and more now. I realize that I'm now eating 800+ calories everyday for breakfast. Heavily influenced by Phelps.:
6 slices of bread (6*75), which comes with sugar and butter (+100 cal, a modest amt. already)
1 cup of plain water (0)
1 egg (50)
1 cup of milo (12o)
1 cup of HL fresh milk (150)
450+150+120+100=820 cal
I need to. My metabolic rate just jumped. I need to unnaturally stuff 2600cals a day even in rest mode. On active days it's going to be like 2800-3000 cals.
Chem. Oh test's in a few days. Balls. Nevermind. Damn. I'm going to study for it tomorrow REALLY. Hahaha.
PHYSICS PRAC. Screw. I wan score well. Damn.
Labels: exercise, school
too little too late
Why do I pick things up so late? I got all the good habits this year, reorganized my priorities, got my time managed, picked up reading, became a less complacent person only in year 6!
Sometimes its a little too late, but there's really nothing to hate, it's better than not learning anything. For now, I won't feel cast down but instead give my all for whatever that's left.
Labels: awakening, christian-bboy
extraordinary educators
For my past 11 years, I've met a spectrum of different types of educators. An interesting array of creation, and form whom I've learnt much and unlearned much. From, here I want to note and show appreciation to the traits of extraordinary educators that had shaped me through the years. This is about
extraordinary educators, not just good ones, not just ordinary ones, you can be good, but not
extraordinary. Needless to say, no one isn't void of flaws, they're traits special in those we'll see.
1. They teach with passion.
Imparting knowledge with passion and a complete hack-care-who-gives-an-F attitude are worlds of differences. They don't embark in penmanship or dictation exercises, but put their own dedication and heart to the art of teaching.
Examples: just about every extraordinary educator.
2. Not spoonfeeding, but making you understand the fundamentals yourself.
"Give a man a fish he'll be full for a day, teach him how to fish and he'll be full for his life", is a teaching philosophy I've strongly believed in since the moment I'm taught. These educators don't give you the answers, but all the raw materials to reach that answer which you are to figure out yourself. It's much easier to just tell you the answer, but these guys make you understand a concept: a much more tedious job, let alone the number of questions students will raise regarding the subject.
Examples: Alistair M. Chew K-E
3. They're not just concerned with the subject he's teaching, but also your general well-being.
There are a number of teachers I've had who expressed concern towards my mental and spiritual health. When I say that I don't mean mindless extensions, but enquiry and care towards your well-being in general though it has nothing doing with academics. Some teachers, you can just speak to about anything about your life, any troubles you face.. etc.
Examples: Azmi Bin Azeman
4. They make you understand the beauty of the subject.
For some subjects, no amount of mugging can shadow the beauty beheld in the eyes of the learner. One such subject is literature, generally, art. They structure their lessons to arouse your interest and give you an idea of the beauty of the subject. I don't mean they tell you "don't you frikin see the beauty of it?" but I mean that they teach and structure their lesson in a way that not only you absorb something from the subject, but you grow in appreciation and respect towards the subject.
Examples: Aaron Koh, Ferdinand Quek, Alice Teo Bai Yang
5. Non-elitist
This is one of the worst, baddest and most inaccurate perceptions towards certain educators. But it's one of the least-found traits because it's so hard to say whether a teacher is elitist or not. Elitist means: purposefully wanting to associate themselves with the high-scoring candidates, showing favoritism in terms of care and grading and that they don't give much a shit about students they deem "less potential" and "less good". One misconception to be hi-lighted here, just because a teacher quotes, exemplifies, or extols an elite student,
DOESN'T NECESSARILY mean that he/she is elitist. That's one of the ugliest misconceptions towards "favoritism". A non-elitist teacher is
willing to give the same concern towards every single student regardless of grade.
Examples: Because it's hard to conclude, I won't cite.
6. Goes the extra mile.
Gives extra lessons, prints extra notes, give extra tips, stays back with students even when sleep deprived are all traits of a teacher who is willing to go the extra mile with the students. They aren't necessary for the teacher as he's doing out of his own will, that's why it's called mile, and
extraordinary teachers do do that man. It's very difficult to stay dedicated for an extended period of time, and some teacher, just somehow manage to find the drive to do that! Thank God for all of them man. Really a number of teachers to list, but I'll just do with 2.
Examples: Chin Siew Moy, Mr. Chooi (dno his full name).
These are some 6 points, the traits of extraordinary educators, who have become examples for me to follow, they (not just those listed) earned my utmost undying respect towards the subject over the years of my education. I've learned much from them, and to internalize them into myself and my life is something I'm continually learning. They are indeed pillars of society, for it takes quite a bit to be a teacher, it takes much to be an extraordinary teacher, and it takes really alot to be an extraordinarily good teacher. As for myself, though a teaching career isn't any of my considered options, I still learn these traits as they are important for, just teaching, or guiding others, and even being taught, in a sense.
Labels: education, knowledge
some pics
Look at J.Han, must zoom in to see.
Official POP, and only shot with EDMUND and edmund, fish, and myself.
And finally,
DOPENESS!Labels: kyensai, pictures, school
her
I remembered when I first came for the testing. Fun it was, and engaging, while me myself not knowst anything about her, not familiar with a speck of it. But only have a shovel of words come between us. Unverified, empty rumors stole me away from what I came to love. Words describing everything false, something which wiped my views, bleached my intent, and inexorably left my mind unwavered in decision. The call of a friend didn't do much, coaxing was no medicine, I fell away from it, my reason stained with false consciousness of what was never true. I walked away from something that was gray during that time.
And it must be the chinese festival to delve me into deepening introspection, I reconsidered my options, as one that I already had was slipping from my interests, was slipping from my passions. I hadn't much to do with. And with the rise of the sun and the dawn of fridays I would ask myself till one day I was left with nothing but deep regret. A previous interest had died, because the lure of this was overpowering. I looked at her with extreme regret, for I felt I can't get her back no more. She was always within me, introduced to me since I was 4, I grew to hate her, because of how everyone chose to associate us when we were in our age of innocence.
Time clicked. Days drew to weeks, to months, and till I must confide in a close friend about this problem, as I mourn silently of my folly of not making the choice, laugh at my foolishness of being so gullible, being so blind. Much did me friend, to convince her parents, the only legal barrier between us. So excited her parents were with the mention of my 'return', splits are perhaps, a major factor.
Finally, I got accepted in the 6th month, I savored her juices, and practiced as I could, learning the ways to be with her. I am a quick learner, and I picked up much and learned much in the first few months, and came our first kiss in july, from which derive emotions an amalgam of achievement and passion. But for that, it was almost all that was left for the year, as I had ignored her. But for all I ever wanted, I neglected her, never treated her the way she deserved, never gave her all my attention, was never fully devoted to her, wasn't there every time when she needed me.
Her parents were forgiving, they were the true ones who helped me through. She was supposed to be beautiful, she was supposed to be passionate and awe-consuming, she was supposed to overwhelm. Few truly understand her, and as much as I know the vastness of my talents, there was never a time complacency undecieved me.
I returned to her, mutually, and, with much external circumstances, we are brought together again, not as passionate as before. But with time, I discovered her many sides, multi-faceted, she brings out everything expressible in me, something I never fully understood, and will only grow to better understand. I knew not tenacity, I knew not expression, I knew not devotion, I knew little, as if I've never spent any with her ever before.
But never had she left my heart, though far, she remained near, my publicly-proclaimed secret love. And time had it, as I would have speculated, that she had to leave. It so came to my senses in June, like a bullet, it penetrated through my fragile skin, cutting me down to smithereens. How much I owed her, how much I needed her, how much I yearned for her to be there, by my side, a one-sided relationship, an unreciprocated passion. Had I left time, will I be praying for more, but I had not, and nothing I could do to lengthen it.
It will come to me weeks and days before her departure, as she will knock at my door everyday, to hourly to remind me of her presence, and even if she doesn't I will knock on her door. The fear to see her leave without letting me know is so heart-wrenching. Let not the fear to know she left without even realizing. For I, truly had neglected such privilege of time, the most precious resource. I would feel I deserved nothing, that I had been nothing.
We exchanged our last kiss in August, and since, she left, she disappeared. And I was well prepared and well aware. I shed no tear, heartbroken and lost as I was, I wasn't shattered, I wasn't aimless. Because for the last 2 months of our fellowship, she taught me so much more that albeit her physical departure, an imprint remains that will last as long as I want it to, my passion will not subside, and from her departure, taught me trillions, led me learn, bred herself in me once again.
Venia, though you're gone, I won't mourn in grief, but I'll be forward looking and continue as ever, to pray for future generations.
And everyone in Venia who had her, I will always remember you guys :)
Labels: dance, friends n loved ones, Literary
scariest
A scary thing, is that you know the danger and yet you can't do anything to avoid it. That, is scary, but not so, for you can prepare yourself. What's worse, truly, is to see a friend heading in the path of danger, and you can't manage to convince him.Making things worse are obstacles obstructing a clear view of the situation, leaving you with no clear end, no resolutions, no ways to help, leaving things hanging.For now, I must go and find the truth, future strife must be prevented.
GOD help.
Labels: friends n loved ones
lament for the dead
Literature and language, something so beautiful, can be marred by the simple measure of mere score and marks. Marred by single-minded pursuit, that getting more is better, and for this cause, the beauty of the art of language is officially murdered.
Using terms without even knowing them, the inability to appreciate the art of language, and even in the attempt to appreciate, one today marred the integrity of the artistic nature of the subject.
Literature should be respected as an entity, used in context, used with purpose, not just a raw passage used to cross-reference for the sake of mere marks. The wholeness of the text and the context and the author must always be respected.
What had literature became nowadays? Nothing but the memorizing of points. The more the better. Even the "value-added" part is nothing more than just a further flexing of memorizing power. It's so hypocritical if one claims himself to take up language arts, but doesn't appreciate the art of language.
Labels: lament, language, school, voice
patience
"Oh, for true need, patience, patience I need!"
I think it's very true of me in certain situations when patience is key to resolve.
Labels: christian-bboy
foa pics part 2
Labels: dance, friends n loved ones, memories
foa pics part 1
That's all i haf time for. MORE NEXT TIME!!!
Labels: dance, friends n loved ones, memories
FOA
It went on really well.
I have 250 plus photos and its going take so so long to reach the net.
To be true, however much I tried to prepare myself, it still feels sad, we still feel a void, we still feel lost. I felt lost now.
But keep praying for future generations. Still some unfinished business in our hands.
Now it's time to give testimonials, accounts, inputs, improvements etc.
To these people, in no order of merit or mention:
Calvin, Ginny, Hyung, Edmund - Thanks for the cleaning up work you guys have done, it helps so much on how it turned out on the day itself.
Jen, Adeline, Ahmad - Is there any less I will say? The choreographers of our dance, thank you Jen and Adeline who turned up on the day to watch our performance, to do our makeup, do last minute cleaning, run through warmups, do our hair, when you guys totally have no need to.
Kevin - The emcee who somehow managed to be loved by the audience, who managed to cook up lines so we fellow dancers can change our costumes!
Valencia, Victoria - The one in charge of costumes and everyone under you, thanks so much for helping, lest we dance naked, you saved us. Hahaha.
Justin - Your improvement in bboying is very exceptional. I had doubts in your abilities and even considered taking you aside for 'tuition'. But it proves not a need. You have parred, you had delivered.
Asalie, Nico, Kevin Elbert - For all the adminstrative matters, thanks for handling, and yes, including the collection of fees. I know the work isnt the easiest and for that, thanks for taking up the task and handling all these. Your efforts are greatly appreciated.
Aloysius, Alice Pang - Our dear teachers in charge, thanks for going through all these crap with us, and bothering to overlook everything adminstrative in Venia. And none of these would be possible without you 2. Literally.
Charles - For the video, all 6 of them! Got all of them to your channel to view them. Thanks for taking my BoB one too. Takes quite abit of effort and sacrifices quite some of the potential to saunter this experience, so thanks alot for the effort.
Jon Wong, Jon Tan - Thanks for coming! You guys made me feel at home down there after the show :) Sorry can't attend to you guys, but we did today :)
Clarissa, Jesmond, Josh, Glorius Matthew Santana, Kevin - Thanks for putting so much effort into the banner. Thanks for dedicating endless hours to the props. Thanks for putting effort though some of you totally have no need to. Thanks yuan hao for the fabulous spot too.
God - For listening to me and answering all my prayers. Without you, too, it will not be possible.
And all you guys - who are part of dance venia, who did the performance with every single one of us combined, together, as one unit. I will keep praying for you guys and you guys will never lose a place in my heart. sounds so emo. lol. Thanks for giving your heart out on the day itself, thanks for everything.
Sorry guys, this' all I can think of for now. My mind is cluttered with too many things, relief is needed.
Labels: dance
Look at J.Han, must zoom in to see.
Official POP, and only shot with EDMUND and edmund, fish, and myself.
DOPENESS!
