to all nothing-better-to-say people
There are a few ways to deal with these, and how to react to them. I don't mean all critics, because criticism can be good. What I mean is you know, criticism for the sake of it. Or maybe, criticizing and commenting about the smallest fault.
1. Get pissed off
The most common reaction. After all, being challenged activates a part of yourself which springs up to defend your position. I term it inertia, but also, pride, or the need for security and certainty of one's fate (maybe a forseeable and predictable sequence of events moderated by many human mechanisms.
2. Fixer
A little more relevant, you actually spring up to try fix the problem. Either yourself, or the critics.
3. Personal tip.
No doubt one should at least listen to what others have to say. But when it comes to a point when they say that your shop's sign isn't as big as they wanted, or maybe your waistline has increased by an inch, or, if not, that you brush your teeth with Jack Daniels', you will realize that a lot of people have nothing better to say. They could and most likely are able to 1. end up in the exact same position 2. Do the same thing you did 3. hypocrites 4. or they just don't have the same background as you. After a while, listening to these guys become hearing, then it fades out to an unrecognizable sea of static.
From the 4 pointers I've stated, and the fact that irrelevant and stupid criticism becomes static, my personal tip is: DON'T CARE. LEPAK. LAY BACK. Which is something I'm quite known for anyway. But usually it's more than that. Because of the same 4 points, you can do the following: 1. Explain to them and help them understand your position 2. Hack care. 3. Laugh at them 4. Laugh at their comments 5. Write this memorable experience in a journal. OR, you can do all 5.
It shows a few things. On the good side, that you have that confidence and security to know yourself and know what you're doing. After all, does a rich person ever need to tell you that he's rich?
obviously
Cases in point.
1.
Q: How's he?
A: He's nice.
Good impressions
Come on, who wants to give you a bad impression upon meeting? Obviously I will like to present myself well to a person I will be meeting. What's more, if the person is of importance, I would need to present myself better all the more! When on earth does a meeting like this take place:
Christienssen: Joe, this is Jill, and Jill, please meet my best friend Joe.
Jill: Hey Joe, nice to meet you cockface.
Joe: Morning Jill, you ugly short piece of shit.
We don't always trust people at first meeting. Some of us do not trust people easily. But in fact, my hypothesis is, that we trust people to be the type of people that we are far more than we actually are aware of. What I mean by "type of people" means that we usually paint a first impression of the person through his social circle and environment, if we have no idea of his social circle, we will tend to liken his personality to our social circle. If I met Jack dressed up in bling, hoodie, at the alley, I would not trust him much, for I would associate him to some street gang. Thing is, whether I want to distance myself away from him before our first exchange will not matter much once that icebreaker handshake and smile exchanges, and is enough for him to build some rapport.
After all, no one wants to be known as a cheater, liar, murderer, thief at first meeting right? What the hell. So let's not speak the obvious. Good impression is the first big step to earn trust, and, sometimes, make a not nice person look nice. This is a sort of prerequisite to fulfill observation #6.
2.
"How's life?"
Cliche
Hello. What do you reply to this? "ok", "good". Thing is, how does the asker respond to that? Normally ask this question to break ice, but it's not so effective after all when both parties are wondering "what's next?"
3.
Gossip
One-sided arguement
Realize the thing about bad-mouthing, and gossip, that they are kinda one-sided? It's always the bad stuff about the person, the same person over and over again? Thing is, why isn't the gossiper talking about himself/herself? What I mean is that the gossiper makes the victim sound so bad that there is no way any one on earth is gonna be like her, especially the gossiper. What makes him so sure that the victim isn't gossiping about the gossiper? And the victim, now gossiper is speaking as if he/she is immune to every bad thing the gossiper is.
What do you hear in a gossip? You will hear that the person is self-centered, obnoxious, childish, stingy, stupid, unfaithful. You would never hear a good thing about the person. It should be prevalent that one should never buy into one-sided arguments. So why listen to gossip if you know that: 1. The gossiper is equally vulnerable to every 'sin' the victim is capable of. 2. Gossips are often one-sided arguments 3. The gossiper has a vendetta against the victim, which already makes the source very unreliable 4. The gossiper is always blaming the victim, but never himself/herself for the unfortunate events that happens.
4.
Q: You are Jill just go together right? Why do you like her?
A: Because she is smart, caring, kind, generous...
Reasoning from the wrong place
Most of the time you don't like her BECAUSE she is smart, caring, kind or whatever. It's more like, you find reasons to like her after you like her, which means that the reasons you like her don't normally come from the reasons you say you like her. One could look at it this way: That reasoning doesnt always come from the head, but its the heart which commands the head to reason the way it wants it to. So most the time, it isn't exactly these reasons which make you 2 a couple. But to put it as simply and as truly, you just love the company of each other. Nothing new, though pretty obvious.
5. The attractive factor
"Looks don't matter, I'm looking for someone with a good character and personality"
It may not apply to people of older age, for they have became more mature and have evolved. But anyway, I may not be true. Heh. A friend of a friend said "Those guys who say that looks don't matter are bullshitting. If they are only going for character, they would have married old women." So why is it an obvious trend that many of our friends break up with pretty girls? And why is it a common observation that guys get together with ok looking or pretty girls?
You noticed that girl because she was kinda cute right? It's normal. It's first impression. It's a filtration system. The first thing you notice about a person is the looks. So that is when you decide whether to go for it or not. Simply put, it's the first filter. So how do you ascertain if the above quote is true for a person? 1. If he/she goes for one without good looks. 2. If he/she is blind. 3. They never met before. But is there a need to ascertain that anyway? As if it makes a difference. Just that, this statement may just be a charmer for those girls who listen and feel that this guy is really of come caliber and have a good charcter. Maybe.
So in conlcusion of this I would summarize that, it's impossible to tell one's character by just one meeting, and plus, there are too many girls. So a filtration system is needed. So sometimes the cute girl is 'my type' and we get along just fine.
6.
Q:"What brands do you like?"
A:"Zara, miumiu, Zegna.."
The Issue of Status
I came across this question in a friend's car. I found it a pretty dumb question as it is not aimed at taste, but at status. So I chose to act dumb and not answer properly. As I would expect, got my ass whoopped. Thing is, these guys, while they "know" about brands, they don't even know what are oxfords, buck-toed, tab, open collars (basic knowledge of office wear).
The question above, when asked in that fashion I was speaking about, is just asking for answers which name the most expensive brands one can LIST. So the more I list, the better my fashion sense, the better my status. What an invalid measure of status, and dress sense! Not bad, I wished the world worked like that for me, such that I just need to draw the outline of a nissan GTR to get my dream car! I would also just need to write "I have 1 million $ on a piece of paper" for myself to be a millionaire. COOL RIGHT?!
Labels: human behavior
juicy
gossipgirlgossip cant be that bad ba
an entry back in time
This one was after MSTD. Im not sure when I wrote it or why I did it for. Maybe its for the OCS journal. But surely its the most heartfelt and sincere.
"21 Sept 09
How MSTD turned out to be
This 44 day journey started on 191830, when the gangway was lifting with us, standing at attention. Some were feeling a sense of dread, some others trying to hold back their tears, some others broke out to tears. I was thinking what this 44 days could do to me? I had progressed to this stage of training and all that's to do is to continue this training and see what is there in the program. I had a vague idea of MSTD, since it's not something that one can exactly narrate to one another. As the gangway swung about, I was estimating the amount of missiles which could come my way, preparing for the worst, no shore leave, no embarkation block leave. No, nothing at all. I could be said to be lucky to have only one confinement for my watertight integrity stunt, but that was not meant to be a compuslory portion of MSTD. Here I am back at wingline, getting liberty in less than 24 hours, but I know that my luck and SA which played to my side was not the point at all. The day I looked ahead in dread, was also the same day when I knew, in all measures, that these thoughts were completely hypocritical. After all, useless smoking that I am invincible, it's all in hour heads.
As the days went by, we went by the day following through motions. Sleeping will include staring at the silvery surface of another guy's bed and thinking of the happenings of the day. Things changed rapidly without time giving sufficient warning. Not long later, the learning journey came by. It was, I believe, a sincere effort by instructors probably not carried out too well in terms of reception and perception of its end result. Undoubtedly there was bias towards the predicted result, and perhaps scaled the optimism and cooperation between instructors and trainees. Pretty long later, this system was terminated for the simple reason that it did not work out.
Weeks later, we had another discussion right after we left Da Nang. It was about the value of the sword and how much the one bar will really mean to me at the end of it. I think that it was the discussion that was the defining one for me. It offered me a chance for change. Or rater, it reminded me that there it was still time to put some value into this officership. What turned out to be different was a change in the way I treated the rest of the course.
Things started change slowly for me. I started to take more pride in the things I do, put in more effort, put in more of myself and a little more dedication into it. Do something that I will not regret, something that will leave a mark in history. I pressed my uniform everyday even if it is neat. Effort crept into my life when I strived to be best MOW of lion division. Though there is no assessment yet, it was the drive , aim and effort which makes the journey worthwhile.
Not long later, MSTD ended. In a blink of an eye 44 days flashed past. As the third bar was buttoned on my shoulders, I was proud and glad that I did finally make an effort and put some pride in my training. I felt a sense of achievement, not because I finally got my third bar, but the fact that I did straighten up, that through these weeks, I understood more of officership and leadership. Maybe this is one thing I should learn from my buddy. To exert effort, and take pride in work, even if it is not something I would particularly like.
As I reached port, I tried to find the reason on why do I feel so contented. There were no compliments, there were no excellent results, there were no commendations. As I would expect, it was my dedication to my training, and the value I put in it which I am so contented with. It that I learnt something that I knew: the value of the end result is dictated by the value I put on it. It was a lesson which I am continuously learning in life. Perhaps I learnt it too well here. There need to be no one putting me through hard times for me for the glint of the sword to be a little bit brighter. There need to have no one pushing me constantly for the sword to be polished a little bit more. So much was placed in my hands that is up to my discretion to make a difference. There need to be no one keeping me at push up position under the sun for half an hour, with burnt hands, with real tears and blood for me to understand the hardship and difficulty of officership."
counterweight
An elevator system is equipped with a counter weight, such that the motor would only need to create enough power to lift the load in the elevator.
surprised
Yesterday, May day, was when I was surprised on a birthday remembrance, and was completely caught unaware. Even when I saw the cake from 30 meters I was asking "Whose birthday is it?", then i thought that it is not Edmund's, Song's, JT's, plus Xinfu's of one just past. It was only up till around 5 meters from the cake did I realize that I'm the jackass.
Thanks so much guys.
I was completely caught off guard.
And thanks again for remembering my birthday. Though just another day, it's another reason too :)
Labels: birthdays, friendship, kyensai
what a new impression
you (in third person, not referring to anyone) remember everything that took place which is important but seemingly irrelevant
and will form a picture which is made of a million smithereens.
interrelated like pieces of a puzzle, or the countless zillion twinkles in the night sky.
The sky is dark before the dawn, and the right before was twilight. Clouds only illuminated by the moon will now become visible.
As the sun rises from the east and sets from the west, there will be times of day-round light, or total twilight.
Never look back in regret because we should never cry over spilt milk.
Be contented. These are never orders or advice.
But stepping stones, non-physical.
The thing is, many things don't stay the same.
The problem is, some would never change in contrast to the movement.
History is the unerasable past in mercy of the volatile pen.
History is the unerasable past in mercy of the volatile pen.
