A test.
Another test has come. This is a trial.
I know it very well. I know that it's a trial. About a month ago, Edmund had this trial. I don't know whether it's over for him yet. But i know that it just started for me.
It's the "I don't feel God" trial. For the first day of this trial, I really felt like shit. I mean, REALLY like SHIT the noun, shit. I don't feel good, and like the days when I was a very bad backslider. This didn't cause me to sin more, though. It just make me feel very crap. It's like, I feel that nothing is done, I feel that I had so much to do but all I did is worthless. I prolly spent TOO much time on my computer. That's for the first few days.
Then today, I am startin to get used to it. Today I restarted reading the bible. I realized this trial got me closer to God. Because in these times, in these negative times, must I not rely on myself. I must go to God. This is a trial which purpose I know. Thank God for this trial. And now my church youth camp is coming. And I'm excited!
I hope it will do something. I know it will :)
To everyone: If you encounter the same trials i am going through now, only look to God. Sometimes you can't feel God's love. It's ok. That doesn't mean that you had backslided. That doesn't mean that you had done something wrong! And that surely doesn't mean that God loved you less. That's all lies the enemy will give you.
For example, you stead, your spouse, your parents all do love you. But just because you don't feel their love doesn't mean they stopped loving you. God sometimes draws back so you cannot FEEL. But God doesn't want a relation based on passion (Feel). But he wants a relationship based on true love, from the heart. God wants you to KNOW him, LOVE him, not idolize him. So he draws back. Because you can't feel him, you will not depend your love for God based on FEELINGS, but for the truth. For what God had done, for WHO HE IS, not what you FEEL.
Ok. There is nothing wrong to feel God. But do not base your love for God on feelings. If you feel him, you think you love him. If you don't, you think you don't love him. That's a lie by satan. Whether you feel it or not, if you really love God, you LOVE him! To get out of this and benefit from it, focus yourself on God. Pray hard, pray regularly, read the truths of God, rely on the promises of God. Call your friend, your pastor, to go through all these with you. Then you will emerge with the LORD's desired result, for you.
