extinguisher
I took this pill December last year. It was a prescription for this thing called fear. The effects weren't immediate, but as time allows, as moments flow, as I grow, history follows, and the forthcoming results may requite something to mediate.
It was a fear of stepping out. The embarrassment of looking stupid. The hesitation of learning. The pretense of unwillingness to bring it on. The big lie is, it was all part of insecurity's plan to divert my attention and my energy away, to things more meaningless, cyclical and self-serving. In the end, it is a treadmill, something that feeds itself, something that tells me that there's always another time, not now.
But now I am beginning to feel that I need a fire extinguisher. Because the fire, though doused to a fraction of what it was supposed to be is growing. For more fear I faced in the past, I fed it to the fire to burn. I could start to feel the warm, vivifying blood stream through my arteries, I feel that I am starting to be alive. No more is positive emotion something I crave during lulls of boredom, no more is worry and doubt the bread I so forcefully ingested.
I'm still young, stupid, unknowing and learning. But everything I learn is now taken with new eyes. And the acquisition isn't complete because there's going to be many new eyes, but one constant lens through it focuses.
