Rubbing shoulders
The first time I had any contact with dancing was... I don't know. But the first memory of me dancing on stage was a dreadful experience in nursery and kindergarden, between 3 to 5 years old. Every year we had to perform, at least once, for some event. I'm not sure what, but just some Nursery event. I remember putting on lipstick and hair gel, the bow tie and maybe suspenders(?). I was the blur one in the group, which I still am sometimes. I didn't really like the performances because I felt somewhat embarrassed to stand in front of people who towered over me and doing irrational actions in front of them. Watching those videos bring back memories, not very fond, but surely worth remembering. I could feel the atmosphere of it all. The hanging mood and expectation of parents, especially mine, and the embarrassment of my appearance. I was wondering "don't only girls wear lipstick? why are you making me a girl now?".
But there came this experience which was the one which changed, and solidified my then resolution towards dancing. I was dancing with this board, three quarters my height, isn't very long, and I was.. half naked and had some ridiculous amount of makeup. I think I was supposed to emulate some sort of cultural dance. But I hated it. I hated the whole process of training because they were forcing me to do something that I didn't like. And worst of all, making me look like a.. cultural artifact, a state which i did NOT fancy (it may be better if they made me Alexander the great, no wait I wouldn't have known who he is..), and coercing me to do your will isn't a good way for me to remember dancing! So from that point on, I told myself that I would never have anything to do with dance.
Because it made me look stupid. Because it made me do things I don't want to. Because it advertised them and is a tool to make others happy and make me sad at the same time.
Aside from the last point, the former 2 have significant repercussions till this day. That's why to look at oneself, look at how he thinks as a child. Because he will be honest with you, and the core of his personality will never change.
Labels: journey
