it's not really time to take a pill down your throat for learning thread chairs cos a call comes to keep your mouth shut.

Innocence

Wednesday, July 25, 2007 0 comments

The song "Does anybody hear her" by casting crowns just played. Everything about the past surfaced in my mind. The past. When the world seems so bright, drops of rain cover the earth, fresh wind and air flow through me, while i was so innocent, the scene was mine and world was His.

7 months just past. I've changed. Things in life make me feel so trivial. A period of time when everyday was war. I remember the times screaming in pain to myself in bed. Those were the times when the deep scars are cut in my flesh, staying up in nights when i have no one to lean on, no one to talk to, bearing the burns myself. Except God.

December 2006, my greatest friend Edmund just went through a difficult phase in his life. A tough phase that even I can feel the impact on his soul. My greatest friend Daniel jus has life getting better as Chris is coming to AC. I'm thinking my life can just get really better. It was a rainy season, drops of life flushes our city clean of filthy tar and dirt. Never knew so much music, working 4 outa 7 days in uncle's factory. Spending time there singing and working altogether. Enjoyed it oh so much. The possibility of a future with someone i liked seems so very real. T'was the time of innocence. Of liveliness, truthfulness, sincerity, liveliness. A clean slate about to take a thousand foot drop.

The sun's blazing. Scorched dry my soul which used to be flushed with life and water. A season so hot. Scorched and dried me from the inside. When the first scars came. It's not too hard to remember. I was getting heatstroke. It was close to unbearable. Where were the rains that fell a few months ago? Where were the life drops that splay in all directions, bubbling with energy, and with me dancing in every single second?

Then I asked for shelter and shade, for someone to save me, to get my outa the rubble. My innocence is scarred. Days never looked the same. The ways I see through people become even more real, convincing, dangerous. My days used to be younger and I had the world to take. And those days I see nothing like that.

Now i look back. seven months. Lot's of experience, changed so much from things happening around me. But besides all these change, I won't forget a hand that reached out. I realized I owe God so much. He pulled me out of the massive heap i'm in. He made me get up on my feet and walk on despite my hurts, for His bore greater far hurts than I did.

Everyday I long so much, so much to hear his voice now. I am so grateful for how he's taken care of me. Taken my ambitions away replaced with His love and vision. I have so much to understand about His love. He pulled me through that mountain. It failed to bring God away from me.

Do you remember when
You were way back then
You held the world inside your hands
When you told me love
Was the strongest stuff
Your strength was innocence

But, oh man
The signs of the times are omens
You're starting the day in
No man's land again

Who are you gonna be?
When you're on your knees, who do you believe?
Fear is a lonely man
You've been given innocence
You've been given innocence again

You should know by now
That your darkest hour
Is when your broken heart goes down
It's a bitter end
When the sweet begins
Grace is sufficiency

But, oh dear, we'll never deserve it
No dear, we never could earn it
Now, here, the choice is yours

Grace is high and low
Grace is high and low
Grace is high and low
We'll never be the same

Innocence again
Switchfoot
Learning to Breathe

The lost of innocence in me had changed me. But loss of innocence i believe can stil make me a truthful, sincere, loving, and most of all, Godly person. I'm going to make use of what God pulled me through to, my new perserverence, strength, love to help others who need this help.

Labels: christian-bboy