It had been months since when I could type a full blog post properly. Everytime I would come to blogger.com, get stuck there, or log in, write a few words, and get stuck there. As I'm typing now I hope that this does not repeat itself once again, and I don't think it would. Because this pretty pertinent topic had been a extremely relevant for me for much of this year.

It goes without saying that my entry to OCS was met with little enthusiasm. As I had mentioned thousands of times, I was asking myself what on earth I was doing there at that time. I wanted no part in running up and down the hill, I wanted no part in rolling up and down in the mud. Not long later I was transfer to midshipman wing, which is the training wing for naval officers, much to my delight. Surely I never expected life to be fun or slack. In fact it is quite the opposite from slack and slothful, swarmed with tons assignments which we dwelled through the A.Ms to do. I was happy to be here as it taught me so much, but the sense of belonging was not here with me. Not many could say that anyway.

It comes hard to live this time without drive. Taking no pride in the work you do is especially torturous. Taking no pride in yourself is debilitating, living through the motions, lazing your liberty and book out time away sleeping at home, lacking drive to get out of bed, go to church, and engage in activities you want to do is ironically enervating.

This drive is something completely independent of its environment. Regardless whether you earn that prestigious sword, whether or not I am in this prestigious institution did not mean much to me. It does not factor the fact that I am going to earn a sword. The drive is something that comes out of myself, something I value, something I make treasure to myself, which is important. And it's in the word: pride.

The pride I mention will not be synonymous to arrogance, though it could cause arrogance to sprout under certain situation and contexts. Pride is the value one puts into something, resulting a certain drive to work hard to achieve something. It is the main driving force behind champions, behind high-flyers who truly believe that they can achieve, and are proud of their achievements, goals, and aims.

It is certainly a great part of me through this period. Dance mattered to me more a lot, and it is the thing which I find most pride and value in, it is something I am proud to have achieved, it is a place where I am proud to have ventured to, and which taught me too much in the span of a few years which flew by. What an excellent prediction it was to feel that bboying would be the thing which will tax me the most mentally and emotionally we approach the end of school. Deciding on which would be the most emotionally taxing thing I had faced, for it is not something which you could just decide in the spur of the moment, it is not something which one could commit to easily, and it really requires a lot of your time and commitment. It is something which I will remember in many years to come, and it only would have been better if I would truly have expounded my potential and ventured a little further into the more unfamiliar.

Pride. The value which comes out of oneself, created for something valuable to him. I realized it had become so important ever since NS started. It gives life more meaning, other than living through the motions, passing day after day doing nothing and going through the motions again. Give yourself something to be proud of, something to chase and look back in time in satisfaction.

Labels: christian-bboy, heart

once in a while we will come to think.. why do we blog?

why do I blog? where were the thousand word papers, thoughts, memorandums?

Maybe there is no need for them anymore. As time passes, at some point of time last year I think, came a breaking wave which made me keep to myself, and since then, silence ruled.

Labels: christian-bboy

With slipping of only 15 hours away, I think its due time to write a post, about dance, juniors and FOA.

It's a funny sense of responsibility I feel towards dance venia, for whatever reason, the CCA had been very important to me. Today is FOA, but I would not have a chance to see it, alike the few times in my life when we just have to miss chances and opportunities due to other responsibilities at hand. Looking back as someone who had done this before, I really hoped to help as much as I did for this all important showcase.

Relive the moment when I was a year 6 going through FOA. Weeks of practice zoom by at light speed and without knowing, it is FOA. And as time spares no man, it's all over. The nostalgia, loss, and sadness I feel when walking back from the dance studio through astroturf, to the bus stop (not holland V), and waking up the next day, is extremely heavy. It is like being a guide since I had been there before, what could I do other than imparting my 2 cents worth?

Dance is a the form of art when the performer is never allowed to show the pain he or she is going through, or to expose even a little bit of weakness in mastery, and yet run the ever present chance of not being appreciated by the audience. It is the art form which is always under-emphasized, overlooked, and ignored. But like it or not, it is the expression, an amalgam of human's hardwired ability to think and feel, longing to express, and tendency to move. No one hates the art of dance, because all of us are involved in it in one way or another. With that being said, what is the significance of dance? It is that it is the international language which requires no dictionary to interpret. It is that it's a cross-cultural language which does not exonerate any one of his abilities to learn this art form. It is the device which can bring down all barriers between man, the social lubricant, the ice breaker.

I hope for all those guys and girls who are doing it this year in the CPA, to do it with all their hearts dedicated to it, no matter how simple, easy, technical the steps are. For those year 5s, an experience which we year 7s never had. For the year 6s, it's about time for them to feel the same as their seniors. What I had learnt through dance is that it is not so much as to how damn good you are, but the pride which pervades from the eyes and the heart of the dancer which makes it special for him and the audience. So for all who are to perform, let that happiness, presence, pride, enjoyment beam from your eyes as you take the centerstage, and focus not on the steps, but on the joy and prestige of dance.

Why the hell does it look like I am philosophizing about dance? It's because it took me a long time to be able to grasp the complexity of this art form. My complicated and varied adventures with dance taught me so much, and as students, we always continue to learn.

Labels: christian-bboy, dance, friends n loved ones

Results coming out as I tried to log in for the 7th time or something.

I hope it would be SISPEC. Please dont give me OCS.

not ocs

SISPECSISPEC PLEASE.

So during this intense moment I should abbreviate SISPEC.

BITCH

I KENA OCS.

NOOOOOO.

whatever. just tank it la. though this be against my will i prayed for it and here it is :) so take it well yh ;)

Good Lord.

peace :)

Labels: christian-bboy, God, national service

I could not believe how it went. God must have pulled me through so damn well. The interview went well, well, kinda I think, at least I got my message delivered.

The ability to finally be at peace, and to revere Him as the mighty one.

And this is what I should carry on to NS, to place his needs as the first priorities and at life more openly. This is truly a chapter I've went through. The new chapters can now be written :) And this is also one of the toughest tests on character I've went through.

YES as always it's said "it is finished". But also it's just the beginning.

Labels: christian-bboy, future, God

Friday, January 2, 2009.

Red skies. The usual apocalyptic lookalikes but nothing of that sort. Six days to army, and four to results.

Nostalgia contrasts the beginning of years and especially at these times, it's hard to play mindlessly before being sent to the dreadful-blessing of the how-to-hold-a-rifle programme. Rightfully called national service. A year and 10 months from now I shall see how much have changed in me and around me. Maybe it's the fear of loss within this 2 years. So uncertain. So confined. So happening. So much adventure. So much as I look forward to, I take a step back also.

The walk with God is especially important the next period of time. No more of hypocritical self-awakenings. But in a tough atmosphere, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger.

yh

Labels: christian-bboy

Why do I pick things up so late? I got all the good habits this year, reorganized my priorities, got my time managed, picked up reading, became a less complacent person only in year 6!

Sometimes its a little too late, but there's really nothing to hate, it's better than not learning anything. For now, I won't feel cast down but instead give my all for whatever that's left.

Labels: awakening, christian-bboy

"Oh, for true need, patience, patience I need!"

I think it's very true of me in certain situations when patience is key to resolve.

Labels: christian-bboy

So many things in me right now, and I can't get them done.

1. FOA dance, taking up more than what my chinese A2 did.
2. FOA props, voluntary effort for my last performance in school, and as a member.
3. WORK THAT IM DAMN SCREWED.
4. My sick grandpa, who I'll never sacrifice a visit for anything.
5. Extreme need to get a rest. I've a feeling I may get overburned like the 40 days thing.

I remembered that God was there and did make things so much easier when I called for him.

Please God, harden my back that I could carry all these well. And I place my burden upon you. Thank You, and now I ask.

Labels: christian-bboy

"my eyes are an ocean in which my dreams are reflected" (Anna M. Uhlich)
"the eyes are the windows to the soul" (unknown)
"Anyone can look at other's eyes, but lovers can see into each other's souls through the eyes" (Larry Latta) - not quite.. I can see to souls even if we aren't lovers.
"the soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears"

my lenses are very clear. i was staring at the sun.

Labels: christian-bboy

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Theater You should be a Theater major! Like a bohemian actress, you are seasoned and confident and not afraid to express yourself! Theater 92% Mathematics 83% Art 83% Sociology 83% Dance 83% Philosophy 83% Psychology 83% English 75% Linguistics 75% Anthropology 75% Journalism 67% Chemistry 58% Biology 42% Engineering 42%

I'm surprised by the "theater" major, cause i'm not exactly the one who isn't afraid to express myself at all, save for my erratic spikes.

I'm actually a shy guy, and can't really picture myself in theater. Well I may be a jack of all trades, but never good at any of them.

Labels: christian-bboy, findings

I was conversing with a friend regarding my new status in Singapore as a result of my age maturity. We're exploring the topic, arguing a more befitting word, on issues like clubbing, alcohol, smoking etc. the stuff you are "legal" to do when you're 18.

Well what came as a shocker to me, is the direct manifestation of a real problem with our academic-obsessed cultured today. Parent paranoia, and more significantly and relevant, student paranoia. It's the state of being so obsessed with getting good results that they turn they aren't longer assiduous. They're workaholics, victims of the system they construct for themselves. So obsessed with getting an "A" they covet for it. I am not considering selfishness, what i refer to is on the more personal aspect. I do not criticize working hard, or mugging, or working very very hard. Yes I'm not a hard worker and I'm not the guy who grumbles over sour grapes, sarcastically calling people more hardworking than me "muggers"(in a negative tone).

The issue is that the lust of getting "A"s blends with the paradox of failing in the applications of it. The more we learn, the more we become ignorant. The more we covet, the more we lust, the more we don't know what we're doing.

The issue about the discussion earlier on the day is this: that I come to further realize how little some students actually take away from them after their schooling terms. We were talking about alcohol and the effect of defiling of the body. Her proposition is to not touch alcohol because it defiles the body. My argument is that the bible never said that touching alcohol is defiling the body, it's only getting drunk. She stubbornly stood by her stance, even if I tried to convince her that the bible is open to interpretation, and many of these "rules" have been changed by societal norms. Anyway, we moved on the clubbing. She asked me "would you go to a club?", and i replied a yes, she didn't really expect that. She told me that clubbing isn't good, and it's negative, it's bad. I rebutted and told her that it isn't necessarily bad, if one goes with good company, clubbing isn't bad. She stated "no sane good person will ever go clubbing". Well, I just stood there in a mix of a thousand thoughts. After all, bad is when one gets himself sinning. The only bad i find is that you may act as a stumbling block. After a while of useless convincing, we went back to the topic of alcohol. I continued to assert my point that drinking alcohol isn't a bad thing. But drunkenness is a sin. (see: Alcoholism and bible) She then said that one doesn't know when he gets drunk. I pointed out scientific evidence, and she told me to ignore it.

This reminds of of Siddharta calling others "child people". He know not who they are, know not what they go through, just possess the notion that these people are after useless goals.

This argument is a real eye opener. I am not a least bit convinced with her stance, but I've seen how people can spend so much effort studying, put so much emphasis on results and yet picked up nothing, worked for nothing, learnt nothing. They still exhibit the exact same traits of themselves as if they have not absorbed anything albeit their sincere efforts to try make it look like they did so. What I saw was hasty generalization, stubborn assertion, unevaluated thinking, and ignorance. It was as if the years of one's life is spent on studying and God (a good thing), but not using what they know although they profess to know (a bad thing), and ignorance towards the world, not giving a shit to know more about the world (a very bad thing). What makes it more surprising is this: she wasn't satisfied with the marks she got from Theory Of Knowledge presentation, she redid, and probably will get a good grade. What's the use of studying so hard, getting so worked up, getting so obsessed when you get not a freakin thing out of it? Ignorance seems to be a ubiquitous problem, and never had got better.

A teacher of mine said that marks do not fully dictate your intelligence and your proficiency and understanding 0f the subject. It is what one takes out of the class and applies it into his life which is important. In this academic-obsessed society, one who holds values over recognition is indeed a rara avis.

Labels: christian-bboy, voice

There are so many definitions to this: but is there a best definition? Many of which I'm listing are results of my futile rationalizing.

Is maturity attained when a person acquires the ability to discern? When a person recognizes the fine line between what's appropriate for the matter at hand and carries out the right action? A person of this sort is the common "grown up", and the most common definition to maturity. However, this way to define maturity is lacking in one sense: that a person never touches himself, never realizes himself, playing by societal rules, a conformist.

Is maturity attained when one recognizes that ways of the world, but does not blindly conform, instead, lives a mind of his own? Is maturity attained when one begins to have his own opinions of the world and act them out? This is the experienced person, the person who had gone through the shits of the world, who recognizes the atrocities of societies because he had been in the world and grew to understand it. An experienced skeptic, or believer, either way, a starkly immense contrast with an innocent one. But the concept of independence has a problem: no man is an island and our every conception and perception is shaped by authority and premises, our senses nonperfect, our theories shortcoming.

Is maturity the coming of age of a person, when a person finally understands the ways of the world because he had been through, ergo formulate conclusions based on reliable self-experience? The coming of age is when a person finally knows himself fully? This is one point I firmly believe in: that knowledge of oneself is the sine qua non of maturity. One must know his flaws, his strengths, his limits to find his place in the world, to understand his lack of understanding, to understand man better. However, the coming of age and self-realization and understanding, as reliable as it sounds, is shaky and somewhat unreliable. Giving the changing tendencies of the person himself and more, the world, one cannot find his rightful place just by self-knowledge. It's not that it's not a good measure, but an inadequate one. To me, there is more to life than this world also, even I deem this as something extremely essential in the lines of maturity.

Is maturity the end of ignorance? Does the light of maturity break when the blanket of willful ignorance diminish? Does a person become more mature when he open his eyes and take action on the world around him? Does he become more mature when he looks at others' problems instead of himself? It is true, because he starts to realize the simple truth that the world doesn't consist of him, a release from innocence. Maturity starts with the end of willful ignorance to the world. But is egoism a sign of immaturity? It is, to an extent, but only in the premises of innocence, when one doesn't know, or doesn't care to know about the outside world. An example here: a competitive businessman isn't immature because he is egoistic for his gain of something. However, a lover who makes life difficult for his other because "he likes it that way" is immature because he is willfully ignorant about his partner's opinions but only pays attention to his own bubble for the way he likes it to be. But this theory has a problem: it only takes to account willful ignorance. What about innocence? What about pure innocence? What about narrow-mindedness? Are they not signs of immaturity? Compare ignorance, innocent ignorance with a baby. Is he not immature?

Is maturity the ability to conduct oneself in a favorable, acceptable way? Is maturity all about being poised? Does a measure of a person's maturity come from his outward appearance and his actions? It is true in the argument that good behavior is a sign of a person's knowledge of the rules and standards of society, and he is, therefore, mature. Looking form another angle, in chinese, maturity is 成熟. "成" carries the definition of accomplishment, achievement, or transforming to, turning to. The definition of "熟" is to be riped, processed, skilled, experienced, practised, deeply. Do you realize that only one of this definitions has directly to do with outward appearance? Is a person mature because he brings himself across well? Or is it the inner changes in him which made him realize that? There is a MAJOR misconception correlating maturity with appearance, and it's apparent everywhere. There is a way I behave in school which brings me across as an immature person. I know that, and sometimes I did that on purpose. One of my friends actually checked my blog and told me the next day that he didn't expect that of me. "i didn't know you're someone who... thinks." Well I expect all those comments, that I'm like this, I'm like that. But don't you think it's a good way to carry on with this maturity gauge experiment? If you don't get me, nevermind. haha.

But to me the best measure of maturity is not from the outside. It's from the inside of a person, from knowing the ways of the world, it's from understanding that you don't understand, and making an attempt to have a mind of your own. It's also about being independent, not stubbornly independent, but taking to account interdependence. In the book: 7 habits of highly effective people, Steven Covey lists habit no. 7 under that of interdependence upon one another. Maturity, to me it's also about knowing your limitations, so you are wary of yourself, and in a larger context, the hoi polloi. I believe maturity, or, riping comes at a very different time for everyone. Some I know are mature at 15. Some, who THINK they are mature, aren't even there at 18. Of all, maturity is instigated by one's own mind, one's own attempt to understand the world and himself and the people around him. Because through these, a person will know how to survive in this world, know this world, and recognize a part of his place in this world, and also to help others in this world. Ultimately, it must be for progression.

To come to think of it, there are so many definitions. These are just some to make you think.

Labels: christian-bboy, voice

Moderation to convention is the sine qua non of mediocrity.

Discipline to acrid criticism is the birth of progression.

I've already put it as simply as possible. Some time ago, I started questioning the rationale behind my many commitments, and through which, I moderated my standards. For which, you must never do. It's either all or nothing, more than fine, the average mentality is the dawn of mediocrity. Knowing this weakness, began my self-criticizing lifestyle, I am never good enough, or good to start with.

The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it, a quote by Michaelangelo.

Pray and ask for trials, implore for more challenges, for little in this world comes free, little in this world shows on the surface. Trials, if done God's way makes you stronger.

Labels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore

It all started with the problem of pride. Pride of knowledge, assuming my so-called intelligence. I knew myself better, my limits, capabilities, weaknesses, and I pride to be distinguished from the hoi polloi with my so called intelligence.

Have you been in the state of blindness? The state of the blind leading the blind, both alter egos of yourself? You're more than familiar with your stupidity, your blindness, your failures, but you allowed your hollowhead to lead you deeper down into the path of ignorance. What a contradiction, ignorance dawns in the light of knowledge, as Henry Miller once said.

Yesterday pastor James Singh hit home with that short and precise message, concordantly striking conviction deep within, to my chagrin. God removed my pride immediately once i called out.

Well i believe this all started long ago from that once diffident character of mine, self-conscious and timid. An attempt from myself to hyperboost self esteem quite absent at that time, which is, about 4-5 years ago. Ergo pride is a process, arguably a symptom sparked from the cycle from the past.

With it removed, I realize i can finally concentrate on my work. A while ago i can't even get myself on the table, i can't motivate myself to anything. But thank God for this, for now i can.

Labels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore

It has become an issue that me nowadays that people think to be a “good” person is to be a obedient person, making him a role model. It doesn’t sound like anything to argue about as you read the first line, but the problem that this issue brings about is blind following. We unquestionably follow our authorities, our institutions, without questioning why. I have seen friends who follow rules, memorize theories (for exams), without knowing why, because they want to be a “good” person, a “good” student. Often, a “good” person, a model citizen is one perceived to follow the system unquestioningly, totally obey the system, and never to challenge the authorities. This perception to me, is very flawed.

As it's my character to be honest, or brutally honest. Alright, in nice words, constructively helpful. So much that I must explicably state, albeit my dedication to Christ, that I feel that many "good" Christians seek to be very obedient, or at least, viewed as very obedient people. It sounds extremely stupid right now, but I will talk more about later. And not just Christians, but also many others.

Well, obedience to follow the commands and rules given and set by another party. Total obedience is to follow every command given by another party. A model is something set as an example for someone to follow, or to not follow. For example a bad model is the example being set for others to not follow, and a good model is an example being set for others to follow.

Is a model person a person who upholds laws and standards? We see what the "model student" is, someone who greets the teachers, wears socks to a good length, trims his/her hair neatly, and tidies himself on the desk and the clothes, helpful to teachers. But have we seen any model student who helps the student body BUT does not follow the school rules? Then is this student is considered the "good" student in the school? The problem is, are obedience, good and role model synonymous? Yes, you may say no. I rejected when I'm typing this and slowly come to realize that even I occasionally live by the standards of the YES reply. But mainly this essay should cater to you, the follower of a system. ALL of us are in a system, a system is an entity, a combination of things, values, beliefs which form a unitary whole.

Is being a model someone who upholds the law, the code, the right way? Yes it seems to be, and he is the “good” person. But there is a flaw: who dictates the "right" way? For example, there was a pastor I respect greatly who came to my church who criticized guys using earrings. Once the words touched my ears my mind screamed in retaliation. I personally don't use earrings, but, what is it about earrings that label them to be bad? Take the source of influence to be from gangsters (and by the way that’s already a very weak postulate). Just because a small minority of people, viewed to be outcasts, like punks, wear earrings, then we label them to be symbols of immorality, symbols of sin? Why are earrings reserved for girls? What if the standard of society is to say that guys were the ones who wear earrings, by “default”? Does the code for conduct of being a model Christian, a good Christian in God's eyes come from societal standards? In one hand we say we shouldn't love the world, and that we shouldn't care of how others look at us. But on the other hand we bother again on how society views us. How far should we go by societal standards? Yes, we should care to an extent on how others portray us (if we don't we look like complete idiots), but how far? Should we let societal standards alter our perception of goodness? Should, therefore, a man wearing earrings be judged to be unspiritual? What if the person commits himself to charitable work, evangelism, counselling, and helping everyone around him? Besides questioning on this small statement made by the pastor, what I want to ask is do us Christians then continue to judge others because of their looks, because someone out there told us that something is unspiritual, causing us to become superficial, judgemental, hypocritical people?

Thus, it leads to a point of judging. Like it or not, every one of us judge, don't we? There is not one who doesn't. While we set the standard for what's good, what's the perfect model, have we not failed in ostracizing? Taking the instance of the earrings again, if the pastor said that about guys wearing earrings, won't it instigate a judgemental view on believers upon outsiders? Does that accidentally, unintentionally bring about a biased views for people with earrings? Is the pastor therefore, infallible, although he is a great man of God? Do we live blindly by the standards our authorities set? Have we not considered the potential (not definite) hypocrisy of judging others while we preach "thou shalt not judge"? As we made the perfect role model and total obedience synonymous, we must be aware of this massive flaw in the human being- himself. We, members of system, if taking advice, statements from our authorities blindly, will blindly be discriminators of people which are considered to be “outcasts”.

The third problem associated with being a good person is being obedient. What is a good person? Is a good person perfectly obedient? For example, one day IF (i said IF because it’s very unlikely) your pastor tells you to take without consent from the other person (in case you didn't realize I've shaped my words in an nice way) 50$ from a person's wallet, citing many, many reasons for doing so, and finally ending with "cos' i got a vision from God". Would you go ahead? after all, 50$ isn't like you're taking his life. Are good people people who follow authorities, or rather, unquestionably follow? One of the things you would ponder is your stance as a “good” Christian and your command the commandment to not steal. Often, our authorities change the way we think, change the way we view the system, so much that the core can be manipulated by the authorities, giving this case, Christ being manipulated by rules, regulations, societal standards. Remember, that authorities carry the name of someone who is being “endorsed” by the system. They are generally good and reliable sources, but there they are fallible nonetheless.

Another great example comes from "good" Christians' perception of teenage dating. Just because your pastor, your mentor, your cell leader says "do not date now, you should not get a girlfriend", do you blindly take it in? Do you straightaway say "he's right"? When a person you like a lot, and vice versa asks you to get steady, will you object to it with the sole reason being the reasoning form your authorities without knowing WHY? What are your ways to know he is reliable? Have you ever thought of WHY they said that (i don't think, and i hope thay don't say that blindly cos someone ELSE told them that)? Have you ever thought why and when is a person "too young" to date? I don't think they said that for no reason or for the fun of it.

There's a girl in my class who said that one shouldn't date now. When my pal and I debated with her, i found that the reasoning was weak, and to say, naive. Yes, the most common reason: "at this age, you must concentrate on your studies". Go eat shit (that doesn’t mean that you shouldn't not concentrate on your studies, just that blind reasoning is no reasoning). So you will never get to date or court in your life, when life is busier, more hectic, and more dangerous when you graduate from education to your older years. Her explanation is that you cannot cope girlfriend and studies. Is work less important than studies, less hectic, less responsibilities? If it isn't, why are many adults telling us schooling teenagers to "enjoy life when it is free, till you work you will miss your school days." Then she stated another reason "the time now at your age you should spend time with God to shape your life". This is so weak too, although it's very true by the statement itself, but used in this arguement, it strongly implies that one doesn’t need God when he grows older? These are many what i called "passed down" reasons I've heard. Stuff like: the relationship will lead you astray (EVEN if the partner is a Christian, obedient people tend to believe that EVERY relationship leads you astray), you will get yourself in trouble. Have you ever thought WHY being a relationship will lead you astray? WHAT trouble will you be in? I've known of many friends who handle their relationship excellently, juggling good grades, their CCAs, their interests very well. What a "model" person needs to know is to not blindly accept the authorities’ rules and reasons, but to understand the reasoning behind the reasoning, and show understanding and respect to it.

"See, teens do yearn to know the line to walk. If they slip over it I bring them back gently. When you lay a ground rule you must explain it to them. They have to know why and understand the reasoning behind it. Just to make a rule with not explanation, other than, "cause I said so" only cause division and distrust."
Mark Doble, When should kids be allowed to date http://www.helium.com/items/468664-think-anything-teens-should (9 march 2008)

Just as it's the authorities' responsibilities to educate people, set the rules, it's also the followers' responsibilities to understand and think about the behind it. Many a time i see people blindly following the advice, the rules authorities set for them, and giving exactly the same reasons without understanding why. It's not the same using another's mouth as your own. In my personal stance against relationships in teenage years, is that it's totally alright to date in youth, but not very advisable, it is because many people aren't may not be mature enough to understand the responsibilities, to understand the trust, sacrifice, selflessness, the time to let go, to move on in a relationship. For example, there's this guy in my church, about 14 years old, goes about dating already, but changes girlfriends in matter of weeks. He demonstrates the lack of understanding of the element of commitment, understanding and responsibility, which, in my opinion, shouldn't date because of the emotional hurt he causes on the other person, intentionally or unintentionally. My stance is neutral and requires self-assessing. One needs to hold himself accountable. The question is not about age, but it's about maturity, independence, responsibility and honesty towards oneself and his partner and to ones around him. No man is an island.

My post today is quite controversial I must honestly admit, but it's from my honest view to show the ever increasing “blindness”. And now my entire post backfires: am I not a "good" Christian because I disagree the views of my Christian authorities? Am I therefore, from today onwards, judged as a untrustable Christian because I expressed my views which happen to oppose my pastors'? Am I, from today onwards, going to be shunned by people because I wrote a 2000 word post which questions the whole problem of associating goodness, obedience and being a role model altogether? Am I judged forever to be a rebellious Christian, one to be shunned from, because I challenged followers' grasp of their very own standards?

What i'm here to do is, to inform people that they must know what they choose, what they are doing, what they believe, to understand the fundamentals, the reasons, not just blindly follow authorities, not just blindly conform to the notion of associating goodness with obedience, or a role model with obedience. This writing is not meant to prove my authorities wrong, or to disagree with them, but the aim is to inform readers about the problem with blind obedience, the flaw with which societal, institutional standards set which we may follow blindly and unquestioningly, whether you intend to do it or not. To realize that the nexus of the role model and abidance isnt' very strong, it is up to oneself to be honest about himself, honest about his authorities, and mature enough to understand the problem of subjective reasoning, and the his own flaws.

Labels: christian-bboy, voice

Today was my first "high intensity" session after reading up on Mike Mentzer's articles, watching some vids from youtube and reading an e-book from him. To be honest, i haven't known the exact HIT (high intensity training) yet, but i'm eager to find out soon. Well what I need is to read up more books on HIT written by him and perhaps a DVD on HIT produced by his friends.

To sum up in one word: killer. I've never done sets that intense before, even as this time i did not have an assitant to help me on forced reps. I did supersetted several times, focused on static and negative motion for all my workouts. And it kills man.

Basically Mike Mentzer's HIT focuses on high intensity training to be done in a short period of time (20-45 mins), stimulating muscle growth and coupled with nutrition, to build muscle. It's a training method which sent "shockwaves through the bodybuilding world", by Mike Mentzer, inspired by Arther Jones. HIT focuses on placing maximum intensity, using supersets, forced reps, focussing on negative (releasing the weight), static (holding the weight at peak muscular contraction) which are neglected most of the time, and combines it in a technique to work a muscle so intensely that the particular muscle group will be worked to failure. Unlike many other styles of gyming, each muscle group is targetted with one or two sets, but done to maximum intensity, and not touched on until 7-14 days later. This allow time for muscle recovery, preventing muscular atrophy brought by overtraining.

Well, I worked on the middle back (back is my fav. body part), biceps and triceps today, workout completed in 30 minutes, inclusive of warmups is 40 mins. (that's half the time i normally spend in gym!) This is my chronology of sets:

1&2) Lat pulldowns x 2 set (2240 motion (which means, 2 counts of positive motion, 2 counts of static contraction, 4 counts of negative motion, and 0 count of muscle fully stretched))
3) Barbell rows x 1 set (2240), with no rest do 1 arm dumbell rows (2020)
4) Barbell rows x 1 set (2240), with no rest do barbell curls (2240), with no rest do hammer curls (2020)
5) Close grup lat pulldown half set (2240), with no rest do lie-on-the-bench triceps extensions (2240), with no rest do dips.

2 sets on lats, 2 sets on rhomboids, 1 set on biceps, 1 set on triceps.

By the first set I already feel so burnt by the intensity. Craving for more pain, I went on to do the rest of the session with higher intensity. By the third set, my body is worked so much that i can't control my muscles properly, by the 4th set, i can't feel my rhomboids contracting so i ended up decreasing weight from 130 to 90 pounds. And needless to say, at the end of the workout, because of the high intensity my muscle spasms increased slightly. After the workout, i packed up and left the gym, carring my laptop with me, and the moment i lifted it, I felt as if there was nothing in the laptop case!

But surely i can't call it high intensity yet because firstly my knowledge on HIT isn't complete, and as much as I know, i don't have a partner there to force reps for me, and that decreases the intensity. Thank God the gym is deserted, that i can groan in pain and stuff. I hope recovery will be good in sleep, and thank God again that my sleep is improving.

anyway, here's an update on my cutting regime:

mass: 56kg (cut 2kg),
Body Stats: 35-26.5-29
Diet: increase 2 serving of fruits a day, Decrease fat intake, decrease carb intake, increase meal frequency.
Ratios: i can't post anything now cos this is the 1st visit to the gym in 4 weeks!

oh, and i also felt my stomach fat decreasing. very convincing to the touch too. Maybe it's now that i do much more ab workout, but primarly i think it's cos of more exercise and proper diet.

Anyway, some more to go, and it's not complete. So that's all for the update.

Oh and i urge all non-beginner bodybuilders (those who do it more than 1 year).

Labels: christian-bboy

Celebrity-centered world.

Go onto msn, or any online discussion pages, endless treads on celebrities. On their latest fashion, boyfriends, quarrels, scandals, sex tapes. Honestly, do all these matter to you at all? How far do they change your life? Say, can you live a life from now without knowing about britney spears (yuck), paris hilton (eatmyshit)? It's doubtless celebs provide entertainment. But they do become models of our like, we follow the way they behave, they way they dress. bytheway, it's not uncommon to find INSTUCTIONAL videos on how to be a certain actress or actor.

Does their latest boyfriend affect your life substantially? Is their latest scandals so important that you must devote hours to find out? Does their latest fashion bother your life so much, that you're in a need for coolness? What great significance is their latest tapes, news, pictures, quarrels? Look at Paris Hilton and her sextapes. Its so common now. What has it done to your life? Probably you end up watching it or something i don't know i don't give a shit also. Look, again at the way she presents herself. A singer, actor, model, and her nice sexy dance at her birthday. It's disgusting to me. Not that i don't like singers, actors, models, just that it's as if she's hungry for attention. Honestly, do all these matter for you to be a stronger, better person? Do they matter so much to waste hours of your time on them? Watching E! entertainment channel n stuff, what had you known? Celebs are just people with abilities like any of us. Arguable that they are nothing if not spotted, but just like a famous you, or me. Look, even William Hung (which many ppl think can't be a celeb) IS a celeb. Celebs are therefore, just like you and me.

What's the latest gossip in town? The hottest guy in the mag? no, he's just across the road. What's the latest scandal? It's everywhere, within yourself, in your family, with your friends.

yes, see what matters first. Look at what you can do for your close friends who don't have a good life before you start indulging and gossiping about celebs whose lives you cannot impact.

Labels: christian-bboy

FINALLY a complete chinese new year start! A great 1st 3 days man! in such a long long time. GOSH how i dreaded going back to where it all was. All really really superbad!

Man but it's good to look back as a REFLECTION (no wishful thinking people) not to get entangled in your mess again, never to commit the same mistakes again. Well, it makes you feel very very shitty, lost, hurt.

I hold a few memorials. and they are called MEMORIALS for the "memory" of it, to reflect and thank God. Isn't that cool?

Yes, step in for the new year. A Good Year.

Labels: christian-bboy

Youth camp is just round the corner. Mark the date down. Ignite conference is in 10 weeks. Keep that date free. Saturate is in may, do you have anything on? Billy Graham is coming tomorrow, Margaret Seaward is speaking on Sunday, Benny Hinn is coming next January. Keep these dates free.

How many more do you want?

How bout' those God's generals, those man and women of God who healed thousands, whose words touched many, whose sentences are so profound even to skeptics? How bout' powerful men and women of God, who nurtured themselves with every step of faith? Have we thought about them? We have the 'advantage' don't we.

Sometimes, its just pure optimism that blinds us. You may call me a skeptic, but I have always been like that. You'll get me at the end of it.

There is no "conference", or "messages", or big events. There are none at all. My churchmate said "everyday can be a conference". These huge events, are meant, to be really really significant. But are we treating them that way? We mark our dates for the conference, but nothing is happening within those days. What we do is to listen, and to agree. Have we clearly listened to what it's all about, or actually knew and beheld the potential power that can be realeased in you, if you say "yes God, i will do it".

Nothing is a conference. It's only one when it happens to you. Quit saying that "ignite conference is good", "synergiz was empowering", "the speaker is excellent" OF COURSE IT IS EMPOWERING. OF COURSE IT IS GOOD. (why do you think they invite those speakers if they were lousy? why do you think they planned a year plus for this event? Why do you think they pray so hard for God to guide them? and yes i have predicted that for every conference and event and i was never wrong yet.). And in a less religious aspect, it is a big event, the speakers are world-known, of course it is good. And in a psychological aspect, they preach messages to tell you you are significant in God's eyes, and you are forgiven if you repent (bring u closer to God), and you can do anything through Christ who strengthens you, phillipians 4:13. And yes, they are all true. They get you all charged up and committed. But realize they aren't any more than emotional memories and revised knowledge and one more reminder?

Everyday can be a conference. QT can be your conference. A church service can be your conference. A conference, is, therefore, anything. then what's the use of the big thousand-people events? to attract attention? To make it bigger? Yes stupid as it sounds, it's to make it bigger. It's focussed on igniting you, getting you back to God, and like a hammer to your head, to tell you you are God's child. And also to get people to God. A conference, a focussed event, like youth camp, is meant to redirect your life, serving as a bigger step towards God, and a firmer, more confident and stronger one.

Therefore a conference is nothing unless it happens in you. It is nothing for you to know how God works, how he love you, that he forgives you and that you are made whole and that you can do all things through Him who strengthens you. APPLIED knowledge is power. And in this, knowledge is the knowledge of God. What's the use of attending another conference, learning about God, and not applying it to your life?


Let these events be internalized in you. Looking back at those God's warriors of the past, they don't attend as many conferences and events we youths do today. Conferences do serve their purposes. Don't look at those speakers and nod. Realize it, internalize it and pray for God to show you its worth.

Labels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore

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