disappointment
It seems to happen always, that I'm such an invisible man to everybody.
If I regard someone of high importance I will go all out to repay them or help them for whatever much they did to me. And I will thank them, show real gratitude by giving time and money on them. All by brothers and sisters, all who really meant something to me.
And amidst this disappointment and result it came to show that there were really not many who would repay a friendship like I would. Not even mentioning about going all out. What I mean is even willfully taking out time to spend with me. Yes it sounds very proud. But what I'm asking for is not much, is a company, a listening ear, a willing friend in times of adversity. When it comes to now that amongst those I place my trust in few would repay, it disappoints me so damn bloody much.
They would say that they thank me for this and that. They would say that they repay me as a friend for this and that. But never is it shown in action. Fuck words and speech. It never meant anything. I had learnt to distrust what people merely say. The fact that they had said that I was a really great friend. It meant nothing if it's not shown. Well words never meant anything. If one's action goes against what he or she shows it, what's the point?
Sad and extremely disappointed I feel that those who are terribly important to me would not spare a second when it comes to times when I was troubled. Had I to be ditched by these before I learn who to really trust? Am I, after all, not a trustable person? Am I such a freakin menacing person?
And a 38 points bilingual cert staring at me straight in the face.
Labels: friends n loved ones
