it's not really time to take a pill down your throat for learning thread chairs cos a call comes to keep your mouth shut.

Innocence

Wednesday, July 25, 2007 0 comments

The song "Does anybody hear her" by casting crowns just played. Everything about the past surfaced in my mind. The past. When the world seems so bright, drops of rain cover the earth, fresh wind and air flow through me, while i was so innocent, the scene was mine and world was His.

7 months just past. I've changed. Things in life make me feel so trivial. A period of time when everyday was war. I remember the times screaming in pain to myself in bed. Those were the times when the deep scars are cut in my flesh, staying up in nights when i have no one to lean on, no one to talk to, bearing the burns myself. Except God.

December 2006, my greatest friend Edmund just went through a difficult phase in his life. A tough phase that even I can feel the impact on his soul. My greatest friend Daniel jus has life getting better as Chris is coming to AC. I'm thinking my life can just get really better. It was a rainy season, drops of life flushes our city clean of filthy tar and dirt. Never knew so much music, working 4 outa 7 days in uncle's factory. Spending time there singing and working altogether. Enjoyed it oh so much. The possibility of a future with someone i liked seems so very real. T'was the time of innocence. Of liveliness, truthfulness, sincerity, liveliness. A clean slate about to take a thousand foot drop.

The sun's blazing. Scorched dry my soul which used to be flushed with life and water. A season so hot. Scorched and dried me from the inside. When the first scars came. It's not too hard to remember. I was getting heatstroke. It was close to unbearable. Where were the rains that fell a few months ago? Where were the life drops that splay in all directions, bubbling with energy, and with me dancing in every single second?

Then I asked for shelter and shade, for someone to save me, to get my outa the rubble. My innocence is scarred. Days never looked the same. The ways I see through people become even more real, convincing, dangerous. My days used to be younger and I had the world to take. And those days I see nothing like that.

Now i look back. seven months. Lot's of experience, changed so much from things happening around me. But besides all these change, I won't forget a hand that reached out. I realized I owe God so much. He pulled me out of the massive heap i'm in. He made me get up on my feet and walk on despite my hurts, for His bore greater far hurts than I did.

Everyday I long so much, so much to hear his voice now. I am so grateful for how he's taken care of me. Taken my ambitions away replaced with His love and vision. I have so much to understand about His love. He pulled me through that mountain. It failed to bring God away from me.

Do you remember when
You were way back then
You held the world inside your hands
When you told me love
Was the strongest stuff
Your strength was innocence

But, oh man
The signs of the times are omens
You're starting the day in
No man's land again

Who are you gonna be?
When you're on your knees, who do you believe?
Fear is a lonely man
You've been given innocence
You've been given innocence again

You should know by now
That your darkest hour
Is when your broken heart goes down
It's a bitter end
When the sweet begins
Grace is sufficiency

But, oh dear, we'll never deserve it
No dear, we never could earn it
Now, here, the choice is yours

Grace is high and low
Grace is high and low
Grace is high and low
We'll never be the same

Innocence again
Switchfoot
Learning to Breathe

The lost of innocence in me had changed me. But loss of innocence i believe can stil make me a truthful, sincere, loving, and most of all, Godly person. I'm going to make use of what God pulled me through to, my new perserverence, strength, love to help others who need this help.

Labels: christian-bboy

23 koreans

Monday, July 23, 2007 0 comments

Still, soft quietly spoken voice
That persistenly calls my name
And quickens my heart to come
And I come

Chorus:
And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of Your Grace
And I rest in the shelter of Your love
And I rest in the wonder of You

Embraced in the promise of You
Is rest for the weary soul
Releasing all that is mine
I reach for You

CHORUS

Take all the old and You make it new
Everything I give to You
You're the hope that can pull me through
Hallelujah

CHORUS (repeat)

I rest, by Skillet. album - invincible

It may seem like any normal song. But when you realize that you are praying for 18 south koreans that are threathened to be killed, this song really mean much. And when the previous song is "bring me to life" by evansecence.

Deliver them Lord.

Labels: distress, heart

Art of life (Me)

Thursday, July 19, 2007 1 comments

I am your authority. I pump you in with other authorities of your life and educate you of more important tasks other than your ultimate purpose you are created for.

By blood runs in you, I love you and want the best for you.

From young i have taught you the ways of the world. the practical, when i haven't even lived the other way yet. I taught you to place education, family, money in front of your life. These will prosper you, these will grant you security and a good life as long as you work hard for them. Some of me teach you how to hide in secrecy some information. If this skill, this information, is gonna suceed you and distinguish you from the rest, better hide it, protect it, and never give any of it to your friends. If helping your pal will cut you, think twice. The world is yours for the taking.

The world is yours to make. Fight your rivals peacefully and eradicate all your ineffecient workers. Practice out-sourcing for maximum practicality as you wanna get effecient with your work. Your friends become your enemy. They kill you anytime.

I tell you to practice your morals right and live your life the right way. That God is a ticket to heaven, that God are meant for rules only to follow. When you sin, ask forgiveness. He will forgive you. Read the bible and have faith. I teach you to ensure your salvation that you (and I) (so selfishly) want (crave). I teach you the laws of survival, that God is not your first. I teach you to have faith in life while I teach you not to have faith in Him in your daily life path. I teach you all these, because I haven't walked the path before, and all that i teach IS true.

My son, my daughter, I have only one coin. We all have one coin. It is our lives and we can only use it once. I love you. The world is your stage, go out and take your fame, wrestle your living, and security in money.

for these things so temporal become your eternal.

Labels: Literary

Lost

Saturday, July 14, 2007 0 comments

Soul misguided,
Trodding in your world.
Answer's right here,
Turn a blind eye,
Heave a heavy sigh.

All around you for years,
know it in your fears.
Lost salvation,
meanness is absent,
Gave it up on Him.

Hold on to the edge,
it's never too late to return.

The end is near,
And you'll realize what's been around,
but acknowledged so little, too much.

Labels: friends n loved ones, heart, Literary

Brother in Christ

Friday, July 13, 2007 0 comments

When you fall,

how much it shakes me.

though me feet,

planted to the ground,

pull me down,

to keep you up.

Beloved how it'll wreck us,

when you fail.

The world falls, without parachutes.

Trying to keep myself strong,

lest one day this actualizes.

I am a participant.

I am a disciple.

Don't hack my soul.

Drain my energy with all but reduced to a glimmer.

Like a reflection by the silverware,

how much you affect us.

Let you be strong,

Impart yourself in us as we in you.

We'll lift you up.

And keep you, empowered.

Labels: heart, Literary

Wednesday, July 11, 2007 0 comments

It feels like a warzone.

where people are given a choice to fight for their countries.

For now, God.

It feels real, tangible.

Labels: christian-bboy, everlasting

Exams

Tuesday, July 10, 2007 0 comments

THANK GOD FOR EXAMS!!!!

though i only got 29 pts n failed math.

thank God i used this chance to glorify His name!!!

my finals are in His hands.

yea, they are in His hands.

Labels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore

empowerment

Sunday, July 08, 2007 0 comments

"And I tell you that you are Peter,^[a] and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades^[b] will not overcome it.^[c] I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be^[d] bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be^[e] loosed in heaven."
Matthew 16:18-20 (New International Version)

Footnotes:

Matthew 16:18 Peter means rock.
Matthew 16:18 Or hell
Matthew 16:18 Or not prove stronger than it
Matthew 16:19 Or have been
Matthew 16:19 Or have been

"I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."
Matthew 18:17-19 (New International Version)

Footnotes:

Matthew 18:18 Or have been
Matthew 18:18 Or have been

I realise it kinda stands out that the verse is repeated twice in the same chapter. whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven. whatever you let loose on earth with be loosed in heaven. What that means? empowerment! christians we have to know that we are empowered, to do great things God commissioned us to do.

when i came to realize this verse, i prayed with much more fire, thirst and passion as compared to how i've used to pray. Because i now know that God listens to me; that i am significant in my prayers.

we have the power to bind demons, strongholds, and let loose angels, for Christ's sake. So let us not think that we are just one in 6 billion. Christians we can make a difference in someone's life, and God told us to. So let us realise this verse's meaning and do something about it :)

Labels: awakening, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore

bboy party!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007 0 comments

after sch all of us went bboying, bt i haf a chinese class b4 tt -.-

anyway, we all went bboy, as usual eveyr wednesday. bt this time its freakin cool man. i called 2 barker bboys, 2 guys from rockerfella came, whole of kyensai was dere, and 2 of xinfu's friends came. that amounted to this many bboys:

ELEVEN bboys gosh we are lik hardcore man. bt too bad 2day im freakin weak man, seriously man.

after pumping thrice in 4 days im like beat. with insufficient sleep for the day. dozing off in the supplementary class tho im trying to keep myself awake.

oh, and dancing for God in church,
has never felt better :D

Labels: :D:D, christian-bboy

God is dead

Monday, July 02, 2007 0 comments

Hanging high, covered in blood,
A sign above His head.
Sun' setting, sky's glooming.
This' all happening today.

He's spouted a foul word,
And now he's scared.
Tries to find himself,
Tries to save himself.

She's told a lie,
And now she's crying,
The fear of her life,
The fear of death.

Living in a system,
To forgive themselves.
Dying in a system,
To redeem themselves
An apology is their perfect escape.

credentials, credit, clean records,
privileges, positions, purity.
they score and lose points
a "sorry" is the key they hold.

and the key, and the key to tear.
to tear, to tear his heart,
forsake His love, dump His concern,
A whip slices the air resounds.

we're no better,
subconscious in the same behavior,

making Him the system regulator,
While we dwelled in our bedtime history books,
"AD. 1 - 33"
Hanging high, covered in blood,
He died.

Labels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore, Literary

lol

0 comments

a conversation during dinner in grandma's

uncle - "the second hand market in singapore now is very strong right?"
dad- "yea, yea,..."
baby cousin- "wha, wha, what about the first hand?"
-everyone LOLs-

Labels: people sucking up just motivated the rat to consume the cat

math paper

Sunday, July 01, 2007 0 comments

a testimony to God in exams, again.

firstly, result's ain't anounced. so i'm not doing post-result analysis.

basically, the day before math paper, is my THIRD session spent on math. then i just realized, that i'm freakin screwed. i didn't know trigo was tested that much, forgot all double angle formulae except for the primary formulae. forgot all the polar identities, and including a number of complex number questions.

revised math from 9 to 11.45. then i decided to stop or else the next day my mind will be so cluttered that i can't think well.

taking the bus to school the next day, i prayed for God to let me revise well and sucesfully, to enable a whole lot of stuff to enter my head and apply them in exams. i prayed for a smooth and real quick revision that i can cover alot of topics, formulas and chapters in one go.

revision came quick for me. went thru the papers and chapters really fast. remembered all double angle formulaes, complex number identities, and trigo identities, along with solving many questions left frayed from the day before.

the paper was ok, but with 20 confirmed marks gone. spent too much time on a stoopid trigo question :X but thank God i moved on and managed to cover half the last qn where i salvaged 10 marks.

Thank God, for a believed he gave me a clear mind, calm heart and patience, as it's sometimes hard to trust he will deliver in such situations, but the anxiety, nervousness and disappointment in my performance began to fade, clearing the way for a heart trusting in God, it's easier to do everything now.

amen :D:D

Labels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore

0 comments

yesterday, went out wif lips, audrey, edmund n wesley after sch for... ICE SKATING!! 3 hours! morning was pumping pull ups and flares.

slept 6.5 hours, today woke up really tired.

woke at 8
went ac barker for carnival wif audrey n lips
then went church for dance practice
went far east at 4.30 to buy my ADIDAS ORION!!!
continue to shop
went simlim to check out laptops with pw
then
went jurong to bboy- still flaring well :D
went home and now trying to sleep ASAP.

FREAKING SHAQQED.

but....

what good days!!!

Labels: :D:D, friends n loved ones