the road to progression.
Moderation to convention is the sine qua non of mediocrity.
Discipline to acrid criticism is the birth of progression.
I've already put it as simply as possible. Some time ago, I started questioning the rationale behind my many commitments, and through which, I moderated my standards. For which, you must never do. It's either all or nothing, more than fine, the average mentality is the dawn of mediocrity. Knowing this weakness, began my self-criticizing lifestyle, I am never good enough, or good to start with.
The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it, a quote by Michaelangelo.
Pray and ask for trials, implore for more challenges, for little in this world comes free, little in this world shows on the surface. Trials, if done God's way makes you stronger.
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,
3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4
Sorry guys gotta cut it rite now, my clock cheated on me.
Labels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
pride
It all started with the problem of pride. Pride of knowledge, assuming my so-called intelligence. I knew myself better, my limits, capabilities, weaknesses, and I pride to be distinguished from the hoi polloi with my so called intelligence.
Have you been in the state of blindness? The state of the blind leading the blind, both alter egos of yourself? You're more than familiar with your stupidity, your blindness, your failures, but you allowed your hollowhead to lead you deeper down into the path of ignorance. What a contradiction, ignorance dawns in the light of knowledge, as Henry Miller once said.
Yesterday pastor James Singh hit home with that short and precise message, concordantly striking conviction deep within, to my chagrin. God removed my pride immediately once i called out.
Well i believe this all started long ago from that once diffident character of mine, self-conscious and timid. An attempt from myself to hyperboost self esteem quite absent at that time, which is, about 4-5 years ago. Ergo pride is a process, arguably a symptom sparked from the cycle from the past.
With it removed, I realize i can finally concentrate on my work. A while ago i can't even get myself on the table, i can't motivate myself to anything. But thank God for this, for now i can.
Labels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
conference.
Youth camp is just round the corner. Mark the date down. Ignite conference is in 10 weeks. Keep that date free. Saturate is in may, do you have anything on? Billy Graham is coming tomorrow, Margaret Seaward is speaking on Sunday, Benny Hinn is coming next January. Keep these dates free.
How many more do you want?How bout' those God's generals, those man and women of God who healed thousands, whose words touched many, whose sentences are so profound even to skeptics? How bout' powerful men and women of God, who nurtured themselves with every step of faith? Have we thought about them? We have the 'advantage' don't we.
Sometimes, its just pure optimism that blinds us. You may call me a skeptic, but I have always been like that. You'll get me at the end of it.
There is no "conference", or "messages", or big events. There are none at all. My churchmate said "everyday can be a conference". These huge events, are meant, to be really really significant. But are we treating them that way? We mark our dates for the conference, but nothing is happening within those days. What we do is to listen, and to agree. Have we clearly listened to what it's all about, or actually knew and beheld the potential power that can be realeased in you, if you say "yes God, i will do it".
Nothing is a conference. It's only one when it happens to you. Quit saying that "ignite conference is good", "synergiz was empowering", "the speaker is excellent"
OF COURSE IT IS EMPOWERING. OF COURSE IT IS GOOD. (why do you think they invite those speakers if they were lousy? why do you think they planned a year plus for this event? Why do you think they pray so hard for God to guide them? and yes i have predicted that for every conference and event and i was never wrong yet.). And in a less religious aspect, it is a big event, the speakers are world-known, of course it is good. And in a psychological aspect, they preach messages to tell you you are significant in God's eyes, and you are forgiven if you repent (bring u closer to God), and you can do anything through Christ who strengthens you, phillipians 4:13. And yes, they are all true. They get you all charged up and committed.
But realize they aren't any more than emotional memories and revised knowledge and one more reminder?Everyday can be a conference. QT can be your conference. A church service can be your conference. A conference, is, therefore, anything. then what's the use of the big thousand-people events? to attract attention? To make it bigger? Yes stupid as it sounds, it's to make it bigger. It's focussed on igniting you, getting you back to God, and like a hammer to your head, to tell you you are God's child. And also to get people to God. A conference, a focussed event, like youth camp, is meant to redirect your life, serving as a bigger step towards God, and a firmer, more confident and stronger one.
Therefore a conference is nothing unless it happens in you. It is nothing for you to know how God works, how he love you, that he forgives you and that you are made whole and that you can do all things through Him who strengthens you.
APPLIED knowledge is power. And in this, knowledge is the knowledge of God. What's the use of attending another conference, learning about God, and not applying it to your life?
What's the use of going for this conference and the next if nothing is changed in you?
Let these events be internalized in you. Looking back at those God's warriors of the past, they don't attend as many conferences and events we youths do today. Conferences do serve their purposes. Don't look at those speakers and nod. Realize it, internalize it and pray for God to show you its worth.
Labels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
"if only i could find the words to say to let You know how much You've touched my life."
i'm pretty sure that it's isn't your birthday.but what's the real day? i don't know either. sometimes innocence is better isnt it?
but God i don't care whether it's the real day or not. i'll just remember it as a day as i set aside everyday to give you thanks for everything. Since it's the day where we lift you up, i'll remember this day.
happy anniversary, Jesus
iloveyou, i really do.
Labels: ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
youth camp
i had totally missed the point of being God's child. i've thought too much about perfection. i've thought too much about reaching a standard before coming clean before God. this was exactly what happened in the last youth camp. I thought i was rid of problems. But what really is is that the problem is only temporarily not present, and i thought i am free of it. As a result, i shut myself from God's word, thinking "i am not one of those". But it took Chris Long to tell me i am.
But it is love that God will allow us into His presence. It is the new covenant with God that we can come before him blameless. So many times i found myself too unworthy of Him. That's what made me then go about losing touch of Him. Even though we were against Him, He died for us. Even though we were opposing him, he still allowed us in. Is there greater love than this is it when we deserved no love, while we were to miniature and can mean totally nothing to Him?
Btw, i love this year's YC shirt. Both for the guys' and girls. its like, really GOOD DESIGN!!! though i got an M size n is a little big for me, i mus say its so freakin comfortable, it's next to sleeveless!
Another thing i must say about this year's camp is that i've made great friends. For the first time, I AM NOT A LEADER!!! WHOOO!!!! so i gotta haf fun and let everything pass and test my social and observation skills. haha. It's nice getting to know more churchmates, and they are really nice. Finally got to talk to people i never talked to in my life (but i know they exist). I mean, it's just cool to get social rite. Oh and bboying. Spent a total of i guess, 4 hours of bboying teaching tianyong and jireh altogether? tianyong pretty much getting the hang of it (congrats for the salsa, nike, toprock and our routines!) I only spent 1 hour on jireh, bt since he's interested i thought why not just intro him, and that intro ended up in teaching haha. And some churchmates keep asking me "yuanhao, er can u do the err, lotus flower?" "eh do the lotus -pause- flower leh". then i was like "lotus IS a flower." and what they refer to as lotus flower is actually a FLARE. Then i did it, sum of them remarked "woah! Lotus flower!". I really had a very very good time bboying n teaching. It's one of the least dangerous, least harmful, least noisy, most physically tiring, and best sleep assisting activity in the camp LOL! Urge all you Jael fellowship ppl reading this to learn bboy!
It's one of the favourite places when i had time with God. To be honest, i am stunned through the last 2 days of the camp, stunned by the fact that God still accepted me. Not just accepted, but embraced. Stunned by his acceptance to me prompting a total surrender to God to be used by Him.
Those who were with Justin and I when we left. From left to right: Kayhan, Jireh, Justin, Thaddeus, Yong Jian, Selek, Me(yuanhao), Tianyong. Not in picture: Julia Ting holding the cam, and her friend sry i don't know your name. Thanks you all!!
This camp has been an eye opener. amen. It made me know i'm significant to God.
Labels: awakening, christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
guitarwannalearn
I prefer to pen it down in my book.
Your promise that won't fade.
oh and i really really wanna learn the guitar so i can finally sing with music backing.
like, seriously man.
seriously.
serious.
Labels: awakening, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
Exams
THANK GOD FOR EXAMS!!!!though i only got 29 pts n failed math.thank God i used this chance to glorify His name!!!
my finals are in His hands.
yea, they are in His hands.Labels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
empowerment
"
And I tell you that you are Peter,
[a] and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades
[b] will not overcome it.
[c] I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be
[d] bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be
[e] loosed in heaven."
Matthew 16:18-20 (New International Version)
Footnotes:
- Matthew 16:18 Peter means rock.
- Matthew 16:18 Or hell
- Matthew 16:18 Or not prove stronger than it
- Matthew 16:19 Or have been
- Matthew 16:19 Or have been
"
I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."
Matthew 18:17-19 (New International Version)
Footnotes:
- Matthew 18:18 Or have been
- Matthew 18:18 Or have been
I realise it kinda stands out that the verse is repeated twice in the same chapter. whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven. whatever you let loose on earth with be loosed in heaven. What that means? empowerment! christians we have to know that we are empowered, to do great things God commissioned us to do.
when i came to realize this verse, i prayed with much more fire, thirst and passion as compared to how i've used to pray. Because i now know that God listens to me; that i am significant in my prayers.
we have the power to bind demons, strongholds, and let loose angels, for Christ's sake. So let us not think that we are just one in 6 billion. Christians we can make a difference in someone's life, and God told us to. So let us realise this verse's meaning and do something about it :)
Labels: awakening, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
God is dead
Hanging high, covered in blood,A sign above His head.Sun' setting, sky's glooming.This' all happening today.He's spouted a foul word,
And now he's scared.
Tries to find himself,
Tries to save himself.
She's told a lie,
And now she's crying,
The fear of her life,
The fear of death.
Living in a system,To forgive themselves.
Dying in a system,
To redeem themselves
An apology is their perfect escape.credentials, credit, clean records,privileges, positions, purity.they score and lose pointsa "sorry" is the key they hold.and the key, and the key to tear.
to tear, to tear his heart,
forsake His love, dump His concern,
A whip slices the air resounds.
we're no better,
subconscious in the same behavior,
making Him the system regulator,
While we dwelled in our bedtime history books,
"AD. 1 - 33"
Hanging high, covered in blood,
He died.
Labels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore, Literary
math paper
a testimony to God in exams, again.firstly, result's ain't anounced. so i'm not doing post-result analysis.basically, the day before math paper, is my THIRD session spent on math. then i just realized, that i'm freakin screwed. i didn't know trigo was tested that much, forgot all double angle formulae except for the primary formulae. forgot all the polar identities, and including a number of complex number questions.revised math from 9 to 11.45. then i decided to stop or else the next day my mind will be so cluttered that i can't think well.taking the bus to school the next day, i prayed for God to let me revise well and sucesfully, to enable a whole lot of stuff to enter my head and apply them in exams. i prayed for a smooth and real quick revision that i can cover alot of topics, formulas and chapters in one go.revision came quick for me. went thru the papers and chapters really fast. remembered all double angle formulaes, complex number identities, and trigo identities, along with solving many questions left frayed from the day before.the paper was ok, but with 20 confirmed marks gone. spent too much time on a stoopid trigo question :X but thank God i moved on and managed to cover half the last qn where i salvaged 10 marks.Thank God, for a believed he gave me a clear mind, calm heart and patience, as it's sometimes hard to trust he will deliver in such situations, but the anxiety, nervousness and disappointment in my performance began to fade, clearing the way for a heart trusting in God, it's easier to do everything now.amen :D:DLabels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
Love
“
As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;”-
Psalm 103:13that was the verse of the day for today.
compassion. it's love, empathy, care. for Jesus saw the thousands who are unfed, he felt compassion towards them.
this verse, telling us, that God is gonna care for us, is gonna love us and help us through if we are his children.
how to be his children?
to fear him la, obviously.
but that fear is not merely talking about being afraid, or scared. This is one of my favourite verses in the bible, truly talking about what it is to follow God, truly illustrating what it means to be a christian, or in layman's terms, what God requires.
"To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."
Mark 12:33 (NIV)
it's just love. It is the most important thing. Jesus even called it the "2 most important commandments" (love God n love your neighbours). quit thinking that you can't go back to God. Erase that thought of a merit system, dump the idea of rituals making us christians.It's not.
it's love.Labels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
WoW Bintan
It's a trip we go for charity purposes to help people in bintan by doing our part.
The first day we arrived there in the ferry while we met some sec 2 dudes from mansuri secondary also going to bintan for some of their school camp event. Anyway we will meet them later on day 4. Had some time with them, talking n listening music, taking peektchers n jus getting to noe more about each other. Later we went to orphanage where we all planned for what to do th next few days. Saw the performances from the orphans, sing, dance, music, laugh and life. Went to the supermarket to buy some supplies like noodles, tidbits that we will all spam at night. Went Agro resort for our stay, at night we had our first prayer meeting which most of the class turned up and we're quite surprised that that many did turn up. Had some dope bboying on the first day man.
The second day we proceeded with out paintings on tattered painted walls of the orphanage, re-painting, patching up, applying layers over layers, and painting an entire new room which is going to be the.. library! Meanwhile, some other of our friends went to play n talk with the kids. The awkward barrier is broken down so fast. We begin to talk to them freely. Worked tirelessly till sweat seeps the ground deep. After that we all went back to our hotels but before that i rmb that we did sth but i 4got. shiz. anw, we packed up because we are gonna leave for Loolah resort the next day.
The next day: we went loolah resort after visiting the orphans again. finished up whatever painting we can finish. actually painted a picture of the world on the walls of the library. Left for loolah later in an OVEN bus. man i swear its an OVEN BUS. sweated continuously till sweat rolled like streams from my forehead, shirt wet, and worst thing is im sitting in front (above the engine). heat is penetrating the floor and radiating to its 17 yr old victim. Good thing is, after we alighted, nature was our air con man! Kayaked there for 3 hours. changed from single to doubles to single kayak. Loved canoeing/kayaking so much i miss it alot.stayed over at Loolah resort and had our prayer meeting in the open. HOW COOL IS IT.
The 4th day we woke up for this really really long hike around the island then up the hill then down the hill, then went to a boat for what they call... BOOM NETTING. we jump from the boat into the sea (OMG), into a net which catches u (TG). Did this for also 3 hours until we arrived at this piece of this elevation we will label as "survivor island". We stayed over there for 1 nite. Having prayer meeting under strong winds. the global day of prayer is on that day, we prayed for singapore and indonesia, everything we could, political, social, economic, spiritual and its well-being. rested at night under the stars.
5th day, woke up with a disappointment that we aren't canoeing, which gave me a pretty bad mood for about 5 hours until i got sprayed by some water (i duno how this bad-mood-gets-over thing works). Looking back, it's really a small thing to get so pissed off over with. But despite the stupidity, i still love canoeing and would be much happier if i were to be given a chance to canoe. Anyway, we went back to Agro for our stay. re-visited the orphans for the last time, performed and gave each other some of our times and our talents. We left later. We left them. Returned Agro to break. I GOT MY DROP-CHAIRS WIF NO PAIN!! WOO!
6th day - nothing much to tok about, jus the whole day of shopping. Explored a shopping mall where i only bought a shirt but played 2 rounds of sega rally, 3 rounds of daytona (naan i won u 2-1. HA.), 1 round of airhockey and watched Mongan own the basketball machine. Went roadside market later, where i bought 5 dvds, and 1 pair 10 dollar boardshorts :D Thought there were to be shoes and racquet to buy but... NONE!!! PAPAYA!!! Went back to agro for a drench, returned the hotels for a movie marathon till 4 when no1 can take it no more (watched stomp the yard, 28 weeks later, click).
7th day - we left.
Alex, i never forgot the message you sent me. i don't remembered who sent me that mesage, but as i looked at my posts today again, i realized its you. you got me on the right track, you got me started on something i will never forget. never. The nights under the stars are awesome. Admiring Your creation, blanket of stars unreal. And for the first time, the sky was so clear i can see the arms of the milky way galaxy. Nights of prayer meetings, i miss them already. Fellowship, laughing, taitee (I'VE IMPROVED!) with schoolmates was the most uncomparable of all OEPs i've ever had. And God, you're the one in here this time.Days in the pool with roomates, hours on 2 seperate canoes or on the same canoe with my singing partner junen aka naan aka constantine talking about life, human and times. and co-ordinating the shirts with my crewmate :D:D (1st day- haven shirt, 2nd day - kyensai shirt 5th day - floorskillz shirt. 7th day - EL shirt) we even brought kyensai caps XDXD.Its so much fun, love, fellowship i miss so much.
The paint is dripping with my sweat, worked for 2 hours straight, my body tells me to stop, but when the thought of the kids came, my body fades, my spirit takes over.
Till the last day, i never overcame the language barrier.
The time came for us to leave. And it was never good leaving. I feel sad already leaving these kids. Then one kid i saw looked at me. He held our hands, placed it on his forehead. His forehead's crumpled. He hugged us tight. As tight as he could. The eyes cannot contain his tears. And my emotions, my love, my eyes were broken by how much he actually holds us in his eyes.
My tears fall with his. Then 3 more other kids, came to me and hugged me. I can't do much. Every part of me wanted to stay over with them. I can't accept the great possibility that i won't be able to go back there and get involved and help them again. I hate the possibility of that even happening.A file of orphans came to us. they all, i can see are really appreciative of what we've done. I can see their sad faces. What's the least i can do? I shook their hands, did their greeting, hugged them, and whispered a prayed for every one them that passed by. Inside of me, crying for the salvation of these souls. What chance do they have? what chance do they have?let it all out in the toilet. It was the perfect place for a retreat. Prayed for them right there and them in tears, sorry if i sound really sentimental, but i am now. Please, my dear God, save them one day, save them one day!
I was walking for the bus, then a feeling of guilt rushed over me. I am supposed to do something and shine for You. I tried to think its a small matter, but literally with an advancing step was an exponential increase of that guilt. unable to take it anymore, i only did what i can do for 5 seconds, turned back, held an english-speaking guy's hand, told him "i hope one day you will know this guy called Jesus. I really hope you do."
What little can i do? what chance do they have?As i looked back, honestly, there can be a few more minutes better spent. There is really more i could do for the kids, there is really more i could do for God. I have tried hard, but not my best. I was crying out for more time, trying the best i can to do something for them in the last half hour. praying for all of them, talking to one of them, teaching one of them bboying. God, i have failed you again.
I wanted a chance so much to go back. Every moment back there and then is so real. i see it, i feel it, i smell it. God, what can i do? let them some hope, give them some hope Lord, give them all hope.God, if not for you, this would have been a wasted 600 dollar trip. Lord you really made our WoW. And God i really really mean that the 600 dollar will go to a waste. God, give us another chance to do something for you.let your word go through, let your light expose all darkness. You claim the victory Lord.Labels: everlasting, heart, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
WoW final
This is for everyone going for WoW.Some of you guys have left. but maybe for those who still have a chance to check this out. those very few.Alex Lua sent me this:"Bye:) this is my last message from singapore before i embark on to China:) i'll be keeping you in my prayers:) just Rmb to use this time that you can and the countless opportunities that God might present on this trip. Ask God for a person or people whom you can bless or lay hands on to pray for during your trip... Seek God that's still the main priority:) give Him your body to work wonders with:) God luvs u, Jesus luvs u, i luv you. Alex Lua:)"prolly now he doesn't know, but this message brought a whole lot of impact on to me. It reminds me of the greater love, the greater mercy, purpose, calling commission that we always miss, or find excuses to miss.Let us all remember what God save us for, not to sit around and do nothing, but to spread the word to all tongues and tribes.Let us remember.Labels: christian-bboy, friends n loved ones, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
WoW
WoW is coming up.
Another trip, an experience, a chance to take photos, have fun, bond with friends, and buy cheap stuff from bintan XP.
Gna have CANOEING n outdoor games! and it will all befall, beginning in 5 days'!
But is that WoW all about? Windows on the World. A time we open our eyes, stand still, look out of the ACS, Singapore shell we enclose ourselves in, are people who live less than US$1.50 a day. And we're complaining that US$15 is nt enough. True, that cost of living is sky high, real income is not as high as we think of it to be, or as low as we think of it to be.
A chance to give them a hand, to help someone lay a brick, to give the chidren something to eat, help fund their education, help shape somone's lives. Help show the unconditional love of Christ. A time, even maybe for once, work nine to five.
The love, unconditional love of Christ. A chance given for all of us to do something to show that love. A door we cannot miss, something we pay for, our sweat and our blood - will it be in our labour?
Labour is not the most important. Love is. And love without doing anything, isnt really caring for those poorer people. Lets help them with all the love.
Lets pray everyday, before we step out of our hotel rooms. Lets keep the people we're helping in mind. Let's keep God in mind :D
Labels: ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
thank God i have you with me.
Thank You God so much.
You listen, and You guide me, and You fix it.
A great God i have.
Labels: ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
Koinonia
koinonia - somethin ive been lookin forward to. so much, so far.
here are pics taken today. the last 5 are of practices for koinonia.
Mr. James Ong- people say i look like him.... wat do u think???
Practising an hour before Koinonia

A. Goh
Errr.. ok. thats audrey low wif her eyes closed.

Koinonia means so much to me. although i don't feel very comfortable doing so little stuff except takin pictures using emil's phone and praying for them through the whole thing, i feel very fufilled, cos it satisfies the burning desire to do something for God, to be directly involved in his ministry.
This is all i've longed for last yr. difference is, this year i'm involved in his ministry directly, spreading the word to my friends. last year, i have no balls :XKoinonia filled this deep longing and thirst in me. Although this won't ever be enough. Gotta do more for God. Wanna do more for God. it will prevail.
The practice
Is this the first step?
Or another fallen short?
Another evening,
Or will seeds be planted?
Have we made it yours?
Yours to hold?
This land you've lay before us?
Bleak winter, this summer,
A chance lost to stand.
A chance the track,
A chance to show the little i can do for You.
Cutting into my bones,
Through my thick flesh, and skin.
Can you let another chance pay its visit?
'Cause I'm burning to build your house.
Labels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore, Literary, sincerely
better get my ass moving.
seriously.Labels: ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
Never left my side
I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as You mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will life my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will life my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will life my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
Though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
Praise you in this storm
album: lifesong
artist: casting crowns
Probably the best description for what God has done for the undeserving, imperfect, sinful wong yuan hao.
Labels: heart, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
the superficial judgement.
jus came back from school, had dinner n shower. v lil homework due rite now, so i can b slacker today :)
typing wifout my bruised index finger now. feels realy weird man.
kenneth talked about repentance today. about totally letting go of your past to live free once again. and i look at myself.
sometimes, i have been putting myself into bondage, bondage of utmost worry, of lust (tho its gone alr :) ), of the past. putting myself in bondage of something that sorts of becomes a barrier to me for being a christian. I remember that i'm free in Him. Christians are all meant to be free. Free from bondage and the damnation of sin (i don't mean free from sin). But what have we gotten ourselves into? time and again?
Go to school. As you enter the front gate, the "weird" dude ('outcast') in your class greets you with a smile. you greet him back. start talking to him about school, yesterday, today, tomorrow. Then 2 of your classmates approach. As they come, you stop being friendly towards him. You give him one-word answers. Your sentences become words, your words form up your thoughts of "how will they look at me?" Your classmates walk by. The "weird" guy asks you "so, what homework is there to pass up?" You pretended not to hear, pretended to clear your throat, pretended to tie your laces, pretended to mend your uniform. You look over the shoulder. They are 20 meters behind. Then you answer him "huh?" you well know you heard him.
Sometimes im guilty of that. double-faced. double-hearted. This is one of the most common bondages we Christians get ourselves into. Sundays are "love your neighbors as yourself". All the rest, "big brother[s] is[are] watching". In fact, we all are guilty of that before. But always remember that not one of us is perfect. you have your flaws, i have my flaws. one day you find out that the "weird" dude is a christian, and then in heaven, he's the one having the last laugh. Just because one guy doesn't act like, or doesn't look like the majority, and even if everyone is treating him as a "weird" kid, doesn't qualify him to be treated they way he is. That certainly does not qualify any, not one of us to look down, to shun him. God's gonna shun you if you do that.
Why? Why do we think we're so perfect while we have nothing, we are nothing in his sight? Why do we assume we are the 'normal' people just by comparing with the superficial human reasoning? Why do we judge everything by our eyes, or by what little we know, without even bothering to know more, know the truth behind all the name-calling, shunning, bullying?Labels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore
"the best is yet to be"
Those were the times when we were on fire,when we were fighting as one, regardless of what we encounter, who we see or what we fight. And they were gone. And now they come again this year. A new group of people, serving the God we love.I remember just a few months ago, we are a family. family bonded, strong, love. had time, spent time.
But we don't live in the past. We live in the present, for the future. There seems to always be a "those were the times", but we shaln't dwell in bondage of something we last for but do nothing to get it, to achieve it again. So many memories surface as i talk about the nice times. I remembered Haven - the musical. something that may have lost its significance in our eyes. But i just saw the songs, the tinted, coloured floodlights, boys and girls, teenagers in their makeup, singing, dancing, acting, communicating.
And shouting and screaming at the end of it. happiness. but mixed with all the knowledge of the charade by love and unity that visited us, to please us, to break us down later. a production taking half a year to shape. A production that called for many crews and talent, a production that left many crying and lamenting at the closure.
but we don't live in the past. we have years that will come. "for the glory of the present house will be greater than the glory of the former house." There will always be unerased membeories, there will always be memories. But tat doenst meant the past is fixed, that we have lived through the best. "the best is yet to be" (my school's motto). those 50 years,60years, or even 15 years of our lives don't limit the best parts of our lives.fireac is here. it means so much to me that i don't feel the impact in me. It's like a will, a vision that came true. Finally a group of people willing to step out. God just need so few people to stand in the gap. I was unenthusiastic at first. now it filled me with life. God filled me with fire and life. The first few months this year, was the very few times i went through a phase when i really needed God. He was there. To listen to help, to comfort, to remove the pain, and to make me stand up again. I'm not perfect. Not even close to perfect. Thats why i fall, disappoint people, and fail in God. Only God can deliver this dirt like me.Labels: christian-bboy, ilovemebutGodlovesmemore