every man
So what does it take to truly say that you have cared for your friend? Again and again we have realized that we have failed to live up to the prime examples we beheld, coming short of expectations we have for ourselves as pals of your contemporaries.
This is a statement hilighting my hypocrisy.
I have never cared for my friends for a very long time. Ever since... man thats so long ago. Months of solicity, bla bla bla.
I have constantly tested them.
I have constantly failed to tell them my most honest feelings.
I have constantly failed to give them true advice.
I have constantly failed to be available for them when they needed someone.
I have constantly enforced radio silence so to not get into their sticky matters.
I have constantly assumed things would fix themselves so I could have some rest.
I have constantly failed to enquire for their souls.
I have constantly failed to account for their actions.
I had not really cared, and in fact do not really care for anything at all. How come had I suddenly become this? Maybe this requires some mental strength for me to think and remain on track, to even show basic care for others even if I am irritated, ignored, angry, horribly tired, disoriented, dispersed, disintegrated.
Damn, this will not do good. This will not.
Labels: friends n loved ones, friendship, God
2nd enlistment
Results coming out as I tried to log in for the 7th time or something.
I hope it would be SISPEC. Please dont give me OCS.
not ocs
SISPECSISPEC PLEASE.
So during this intense moment I should abbreviate SISPEC.
BITCH
I KENA OCS.
NOOOOOO.
whatever. just tank it la. though this be against my will i prayed for it and here it is :) so take it well yh ;)
Good Lord.
peace :)
Labels: christian-bboy, God, national service
kysc
I think it's about time for me to get my butt moving after 8 months of lazing around. Since the first time I decided to study for exams, since the first time I remember myself entering the dance studio in a chilling, damp night, carrying books and notes not knowing where to start revision for econs, begins my starvation from bboy.
And up to yesterday's chilling, dry night did I make a point to resume what and where I left off. So hopelessly behind, but glad that I made the decision nonetheless. No use saying that one won't give up bboying but in fact he had. Just say it in the face. I give up.
My decision in the opposite. No matter what command school will fling at me, I will pluck time up to pursue this passion.
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Guys, it matters to me whether you guys bboy or not in the future. But I will never account bboying to our bonding, just like many of you would not I am sure. Some of you guys would have given up silently. Please don't pledge to each other. These facts are only true to yourself. So if you quit, it's still alright :) We will stick together for a lifetime :))
But I am making a decision to continue, at least for the phase of NS when it's hardest to do so (NS, give me the shit man). So I hope you guys will follow.
Labels: awakening, bboy, friends n loved ones, future, God, kyensai, resolutions, sincerely
the writing
I could not believe how it went. God must have pulled me through so damn well. The interview went well, well, kinda I think, at least I got my message delivered.
The ability to finally be at peace, and to revere Him as the mighty one.
And this is what I should carry on to NS, to place his needs as the first priorities and at life more openly. This is truly a chapter I've went through. The new chapters can now be written :) And this is also one of the toughest tests on character I've went through.
YES as always it's said "it is finished". But also it's just the beginning.
Labels: christian-bboy, future, God
Out of Touch
I had been out of touch for a time so long i can't remember it started. I can't remember how it started to become this way. Firefight, self-rescue?
It didn't too much to me any further. The use of existing here to fulfill the 41 points, to be any sort of social analyst, this eccentric guy, cannot understand himself, cannot really live without a self-made purpose. So long, so long we've been out of touch.
What can I do to break away from influences within myself? I had everyone around me, but what had happened?
Labels: God
